At last, after months of speculation, the BBC has announced that Wogan's xenophobic, stale and repetitive commentary on Eurovision is being retired. After 35 years, we have the opportunity to choose a UK citizen to do our commentary. So they've chosen another Irishman. To the surprise of no one, Graham Norton has landed the job. Well done to him. Things can only get better...

There's a misplaced apostrophe in the BBC's own news story on this which just about sums it up for me.

Jay Hunt, Controller of BBC One, thanked Sir Terry for his work on the programmes. "Terry has enhanced viewer's enjoyment of Eurovision for many years," she said.

Quite. Would that lone viewer who has had their enjoyment enhanced by Wogan like to put up their hand?

Labels: Eurovision

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Given current financial circumstances, no one would have been surprised if Children In Need hadn't reached a new record amount of money tonight. I didn't think it would continue the year-on-year climb, but it has! Last year's record total of £19.1M, which rose to £37M when everything was in, has been surpassed. Tonight's total is an incredible £20,991,216. Recession? What recession?

This takes the total amount of money raised by Children In Need since 1980 over the £500,000,000 mark.

With Jason Donovan, Take That, Girls Aloud, Will Young, Sugababes, Russell Watson, McFly, Stereophonics, Alesha Dixon, scenes from Oliver!, Michael Ball in drag and the BBC newsreaders doing Mamma Mia highlights, it certainly catered to some of my musical and aesthetic tastes. Well done to all concerned.

PS. If you happened to watch the Children In Need version of QI, you won't be surprised to know that Stephen Fry was right and Wogan was wrong. It was 1974.

Labels: BBC, Children In Need, QI

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It's Children In Need day. Please give generously. With any luck, the BBC will raise enough money to rescue vulnerable children by taking over Haringey Social Services.

Labels: BBC, Children In Need

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I'm watching The X Factor. As I expected, this is the dullest one ever. Who ever thought that nine or ten Mariah bloody Carey songs would be interesting?

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

LATER: So, once again it's the early performers in the bottom two, and everyone is pretending to be surprised. (I'm watching The Xtra Factor on ITV2 now.) As I wrote last week (below), they keep skirting around the issue, being shocked that it was Ruth (performing second) and Laura (performing third) in the bottom two. Why are they surprised? Eoghan was on first and is clearly attracting the girly vote as he's the only young lad left. With Scott and Austin both gone, he has a better chance of hoovering up the votes, so he has escaped the curse of being on first, leaving Ruth and Laura to face the judges and now another of the favourites has gone.

Rachel was horribly out of tune tonight with her version of Against All Odds (Take A Look At Me Now). She wasn't brilliant last week either. It's about time she went.

Louis Walsh was talking crap at the end, once again. He said he had to vote someone off, but it wasn't true. He could have chosen Ruth to go and left the result in the hands of the public by taking it to deadlock. He didn't, so he must be enjoying the power trip. Don't feel sorry for him having to make a decision; he didn't have to do it. He evicted Laura because she was a threat to his group, JLS.

I hope we never, ever have to endure so many Mariah Carey songs in a row ever again. I love watching The X Factor, but this was the most yawn-inducing show they've ever had. Here's an idea. Spare us from theme weeks, determined by whoever's releasing an album in the Autumn schedules (cf. Britney, on The X Factor very soon) and just let the contestants sing songs in the styles that suit them. Then they'll feel more comfortable and produce better performances. They'll also be able to establish their own identities and we'll really get to know whether they have a future, like Leona Lewis, or whether they'll be a pointless winner who's going to be dropped after one number 4 album, like Leon Jackson.

I'm going out now, to see Austin Drage at the Nightingale, take a few photos of him and commiserate with him over being kicked out last week. It's the least I can do.

Labels: X Factor

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What a night! What a great result. I retired to bed with the portable TV and managed to keep watching until about 6:30am. Thank you America, and welcome back to the real world.

Labels: US election

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A black American has been elected President. Congratulations then to Kym Mazelle, who achieved that feat on Celebrity Scissorhands today. (I’ve seen those voluminous breasts of hers in the flesh, but that’s another story, for another day.)

Meanwhile, back in the real world, we have a historic victory for a man born of a black father and a white mother, after a two year campaign which he started very much as the inexperienced underdog, fighting against older and more experienced opposition, as well as overt racism.

So well done to Lewis Hamilton on becoming world Formula 1 champion. But will we be able to repeat that sentence in a few hours’ time, with reference to Barack Obama? Fingers crossed, even though I would still have preferred it to be Hillary Clinton for a President with substance, rather than style. Much as I’ll be glad to see a President Obama, if it happens, I still haven’t a clue where he stands, policy-wise, on almost anything, despite having followed this long campaign as closely as any other Five Live listener and TV news viewer. My English literature teacher once described my sixth form essays as “all style and no content” (which was hardly surprising as I was writing about books I hadn’t yet read). It was a criticism I wore with pride, but every time I have heard Barack Obama’s speeches, I have been reminded of my teacher’s comment. Obama is rousing and inspiring, using all the right buzzwords, but says very little, which is partly why McCain has been unable to get his teeth into him and why the candidates’ three televised debates were all so deathly dull. If Obama wins, it will be a victory for psychology and neuro-linguistic programming.

I’m staying up for the results – I’ve taken the day off work tomorrow for that very reason. I remember going to bed four years ago thinking that John Kerry had probably won and waking up to the bad dream of Bush – again! – the next morning. I’m taking nothing for granted. People lie in the opinion polls and the prospect of Obama winning in some unlikely states may have lured out the Republican vote in those areas, enough for McCain to hold them. The high turnout just about everywhere seems to be encouraging for Obama though. It has been inspiring to see people’s determination to vote, especially in bad weather, for six hours or more. If only we ever saw the same enthusiasm here in the UK, where even the last general election saw only 56% turnout and I think I was the only person out of ten in my workplace who voted.

Whoever wins, something new and historic will be happening later. We’ll either have the first black US president or the oldest first-term president, with the first woman vice-president. Sarah Palin seems to have given up on the latter option though. She has just given a speech to camera which was quite astonishing, in that she seemed to be talking about her plans for the distant future. It was obvious she doesn’t expect to be hovering around the White House from January, making sudden noises around John McCain in the hope that she can step into his shoes. She clearly thinks that McCain has had his chips. (Sorry, I had to get that line in somewhere.)

My biggest fear if Obama wins is that he will, sooner or later, be assassinated. It’s a sobering counterpoint to any excitement we may be feeling later, and victory for him is bound to be tinged with sadness anyway after the untimely death of his grandmother yesterday; a sad twist which wouldn’t have seemed out of place in a novel. She had voted already by post (for him, we assume), but she won’t get to see the end of her grandson’s campaign, which is terribly sad.

The nightmare scenario tonight is that Obama wins the popular vote but doesn’t win the presidency, which could happen. He could get more people voting for him across the country, but not win the electoral college votes needed, in which case I’ll be expecting a revolution from the American people.

The other nightmare scenario is that the queues at polling stations mean that they stay open for so long that we get no meaningful result tonight and it won’t be worth staying up. (In the states, if you’re in the queue to vote, you’re entitled to vote, no matter how long it takes.)

David Dimbleby is on BBC One. Jeremy Vine is standing by his video wall. We’re off! It’s going to be a long night. I recommend reading this excellent blog post, I Didn’t Vote For Obama Today, if you have nothing better to do.

Labels: McCain, obama, US election

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So it's farewell to Austin Drage and my potential cash cow. Yes, he's the X Factor contestant who I've photographed on two occasions in 2004, when he was with a boyband called either 5 Boyz or 5 Guyz. (Either way, it was a terrible name.) I took the picture of him above at Cardiff Mardi Gras 2004. I also have photos of him performing with the band at Route, a gay pub in Birmingham. Our paths nearly crossed a third time, at 2005's Oxford Pride, but one of the 5 Boyz was missing that day. (If they'd had a different name, it wouldn't have been so obvious that one was absent.) As you can see from my photo on the left, the missing one was Austin, unfortunately.

I've watched all four X Factor and Xtra Factor programmes tonight and no one has mentioned that the bottom two acts, both this week and last week, were the first two acts to perform. This leads me to conclude that, although the evicted acts had been justified for the first three weeks, Rachel and Austin were just unlucky tonight. Neither of them should have gone, but people who vote don't seem to be watching the start of the show. The X Factor's vocal coach said tonight that Austin is one of the best singers that the show has ever had. I think it's obvious that she's right and it's a real shame he's gone. Still, it's the Nightingale's gain. All the evicted acts this year are appearing at Birmingham's Nightingale club the week after. I haven't rushed out to see Scott Bruton tonight, or Girlband and Bad Lashes on the previous two Saturdays, but I think I may be there next week for Austin.

Labels: Austin Drage, X Factor

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It's World Food Day today and Blue Peter's 50th birthday. The government has decided to mark these occasions with a parade of our Olympians and Paralympians around London on buses, while sending the Queen to visit Google (according to their homepage):



Tonight, I will be scanning something which relates to one of these events, which will make you smile. No time now though...

I haven't yet watched today's 50th anniversary Blue Peter programme, but it reminded me to dig out this from my tape collection. This is what I was doing thirty years ago today. It's cassette number one from my collection, from 1978. (I'd had a tape recorder since 1975, but started numbering them from this one because on side 2 it has Blondie's Parallel Lines; the first album I ever taped from a friend's vinyl copy.)

On side 1 is Blue Peter's 20th anniversary programme, which I've labelled correctly on the spine, but for some reason called 'Blue Peter - Highlights from the 25th Anniversary Programme' on the inlay card, erroneously adding five years. (I was only 12 in October 1978, but it's no excuse!) The recording is an audio copy of the anniversary programme, which I deemed important enough to preserve for posterity by holding the microphone from my Kasuga cassette recorder in front of the TV for 25 minutes. As a sign of things to come, side one also includes three songs from Eurovision 1979.

To the twelve-year-old me in 1978, Blue Peter was more than an institution already and felt like it had been around for ever, so for it to make fifty is amazing. Congratulations to all concerned!



The Queen had a garden party yesterday for Blue Peter viewers and former presenters, but, according to Richard Bacon last night on his Five Live show (which I listen to every night), he and Janet Ellis weren't invited, so they had their own party, together. It's often been said that Janet Ellis was sacked from Blue Peter in 1987 because she was pregnant and not married to the father of the baby, but she says this is a myth and so does Biddy Baxter, Blue Peter's legendary editor. (Some people also think that the baby in question was Sophie Ellis-Bextor, but Janet had given birth to her eight years earlier.) Richard Bacon also had his moment of disgrace, but I really hope that these aren't the reasons why these two weren't invited to the palace, or it would indicate that things haven't moved on very much where the monarchy is concerned.

Good luck to Blue Peter and all who sail in her! May you never go the way of Grange Hill and Top Of The Pops.

Labels: Blue Peter, google, Olympics, World Food Day

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Geraldine McQueen's 'very first number one single' (to quote Nicki Chapman) looks like it may become a self-fulfilling prophecy. 'The Winner's Song' (sadly missing the apostrophe on its sleeve, left) was in the bottom half of the top ten on Monday's sales and has risen to #4 after yesterday's. It has overtaken Leon Jackson's dull new song on iTunes today. Oh, irony of ironies! Geraldine just has to overhaul that Leon, the other ones (Kings of...) and P!nk, for Peter Kay to achieve his third number one in three singles, under three different names, after his own and character Brian Potter. Quite an achievement, and the campaign to have The Winner's Song as our Eurovision entry in Moscow gathers momentum. Well, Israel did it. Why can't we?(!)

If you don't know what I'm talking about, you missed the funniest TV show in years on Sunday night.

THURSDAY UPDATE: Geraldine is now at #2 in the midweek chart, having overtaking Leon Jackson. Only P!nk to beat.

Labels: Britain's Got The Pop Factor ... And Possibly A New Celebrity Jesus Christ Soapstar Superstar Strictly On Ice, Peter Kay

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Take That have announced the title of the album that they will be releasing on the 1st of December, the same day that Britney Spears releases her new album, 'Circus'.

It's called, er, 'The Circus'.

Oh dear. It's almost the same as Britney's new one and exactly the same as Erasure's #6 album of 21 years ago. Never mind needing a little patience; it looks like the boys need a little imagination too.

Labels: albums, Britney, circus, Take That

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...because the 14th of October, 72 days before Christmas, is not the date I want to hear Mariah Carey's All I Want For Bleedin' Christmas on your irritating TV ads. Bugger off and leave us alone!

*Even if you were never going to go there anyway. It's the thought that counts.

Labels: Christmas, DFS, TV

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Paddington Bear, our favourite asylum seeker, is fifty years old today. The polite Peruvian doesn't look a day over five, does he, boys and girls? I only mention this birthday because at secondary school, one of the highlights of my am-dram career was playing Mr. Brown in the play version of the Paddington Bear story, so I've always had a soft spot for the little fella. The highlight of the play for me was the hilarious cream cake scene, which always ended up with Paddington's cream cake (shaving foam) ending up splattered all over my face, oddly enough. A career in slapstick comedy beckoned, but I strayed from the path.

I used to watch the five minute Paddington programmes on the telly as well. This is how it all began:



Michael Bond, who created Paddington fifty years ago, was a cameraman on Blue Peter, which also celebrates its 50th birthday this week, but we'll get to that on Thursday...

Labels: Blue Peter, Paddington Bear

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And I am quite excited, although I don't much like these early stages of the knockouts, when we are supposed to make a judgement and throw someone out after about ninety seconds of singing a song which has been edited to death, because that's all they get. Is there anyone here not expecting Daniel the pool cleaner to be first out tonight, if not one of the groups? Goodness only knows what was occupying the tiny mind of Minogue when Dannii put him into her final three last week. He was the worst of her six and simply cannot sing, except in the pub crooner/Vic Reeves style, which just sounds rubbish. If it was sympathy for his lost wife which got him through, it's very misplaced, so I can only think it was tactical. Dannii wants to attract the votes to her other two singers, so she is prepared to sacrifice one early on. It does make a kind of sense.

I have enjoyed the audition shows of this series so far, even if the judges have completely failed in their very simple mission to find some called Leo, who would obviously have been this year's winner, following Leona and Leon.

I have also had an added double frisson of excitement while watching this year. I recognised one of the auditioning acts in the second programme, as they have crossed my path before, photographically speaking, not once, but twice (and very nearly three times). The photos are sorted and ready to go to the tabloids, for a huge amount of money, should the need arise, because yes, they have made it to the final twelve. Hurrah! Can you guess which act it is? At the very least, the photos will appear on here during this series.

One of the other talented acts, wait for it, used to be babysat by the partner of the woman I sit next to at work. Oh yes, we are at the cutting edge of showbiz here. Sadly, that was floppy-haired schoolboy Liam, who made it to Simon Cowell's (rented) Barbadian bungalow, but the sight of Sinitta in her gold lamé bikini appeared to put him off and Simon didn't choose him for his final three. (Mistakenly, in my honest opinion. Eoghan is nowhere near good enough to be there.)

At this early stage, I think only Diana, Laura, Alexandra or Austin are potential winners. None of the groups has a cat in hell's chance, and JLS are nowhere near as good as Louis keeps pretending they are. Austin can really sing, but needs to calm down emotionally. He has also undergone a goth/New Romantic makeover, which is slightly worrying. Diana is captivating and amazing, and with Eva Cassidy having left the role of 'living Eva Cassidy' vacant quite a while ago, there's a place in the market for her, surely?

Who's your winner? (I wonder if anyone would have said Leon at this stage last year? I certainly wouldn't have done.)

One final thing that has occurred to me while watching The X Factor and Strictly Come Dancing this year:

Are the bookies accepting bets on the winners of both series having the same name? I can see it happening...

Labels: Strictly Come Dancing, TV, X Factor

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We make cultural learnings for the good people of Kazakhstan at 17:15 today, hopefully for make benefit glorious nation of England, as the Kazakhstani football team comes to Wembley, to play England in a World Cup qualifier.

The oil-rich country of Kazakhstan is probably fed up of seeing Borat (left) and his mankini, but it's worryingly warm in London today, so what's the betting a few England fans will go for it? Sacha Baron Cohen in a mankini is disturbing enough, but England fans will probably look more like these two below. Nice!

Labels: Borat, England, football, Kazakhstan, mankini, World Cup 2010

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"I say, Harry, does one think one can get away with dressing as Mr Bradford and Mr Bingley in this day and age?"

"Most definitely Wills. What's the worst that could happen? It's not as if Bradford & Bingley is going to go under, is it? Fancy Annabel's? It's raining."

Labels: credit crunch

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Paul Newman also did some acting, apparently.
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Home Secretary Jacqui Smith holds one of the proposed ID cards, shortly before shoving it up her arse.

Oh, sorry, that was just wishful thinking.

Tomorrow, a senior civil servant will leave the database of the entire UK population on a train, on a memory stick. It will save time waiting for the inevitable. Don't say we weren't warned.

Labels: identity cards, Jacqui Smith, politics

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The sun is shining here in Brum. There's tennis from Wimbledon on the telly. Summer has finally arrived, on its last weekend! (Summer ends on Monday afternoon (22nd) in the Northern hemisphere, for those of you not keeping up to speed with your equinox dates.)

Time to venture outdoors, methinks. Enjoy the last weekend of Summer!

Labels: Summer, weather

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Shocking as it may seem, this is apparently the new Prime Minister of Israel. Shalom Zippy! (Unless I've misheard, of course.)

Labels: election, Israel, Zippy

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...which means he still hasn't had a number 1 single in the noughties, to give him a chart-topper in six consecutive decades.

It was a close-run thing all week between Kings Of Leon, who have entered at number one on downloads only, Katy Perry, who slips to #2 and Cliff Richard, who enters at #3. Up to Wednesday night, Kings of Leon had sold 36.2% of sales between the three of them, Katy Perry 32.6% and Cliff 31.2%. It's quite surprising that he didn't at least overtake Katy Perry, in her seventh week on sale, especially as he has done the rounds of daytime TV all week. Still, there's something delicious about Cliff being denied the chart achievement by one song about raunchy sex and a bi-curious anthem. It also gave Fearne Cotton the opportunity to tell American Caleb from the Kings of Leon that, "you have beaten off Cliff Richard" on the Radio 1 chart show, in one of those double entendres that gets lost on the Yanks.

It goes to show that you can't have a number one single just because you ask people nicely to give you the chart record. Here's some advice for Cliff's record company if they want to try again, say at Christmas.

1) Don't restrict sales of the CD to Woolworth's only. Cliff's fans, like the rest of us, would have had trouble locating the singles section in any Woolworth's these days, because the display is so small. By Christmas, it will be impossible, as Woolworth's were due to stop selling singles last month anyway. If the single had been in HMV, Cliff would probably have been number one today.

2) Teach your fans how to buy downloads. Start by teaching them how to turn on a PC. Cliff has at least topped the physical singles chart today. Hardly any of his sales were of the digital variety.

3) Release a better song. 'Thank You For A Lifetime' is syrupy rubbish. To be fair, it would have been nice if Cliff had achieved his noughties number one in 2006, with 21st Century Christmas, which was lyrically original and interesting, unlike this new load of mush. It ended up being stuck at #2, behind Leona Lewis's début single.

4) Check the release schedules and don't go up against something as good as the Kings of Leon single. They may never have made higher than #13 in the singles chart before, but this is a stormer of a track and a well-deserved chart-topper. The CD single hits the shops tomorrow.

For the record, Cliff Richard has appeared on fifteen UK number one singles so far, in each of the first five decades of the chart era, but not the sixth:

Twice in the 1950s:
Living Doll (1959). With The Drifters (the early name for The Shadows).
Travellin' Light (1959). With The Shadows.

Seven times in the 1960s:
Please Don't Tease, I Love You (both 1960). Both with The Shadows.
The Young Ones (1962). With The Shadows.
The Next Time/Bachelor Boy (1962), Summer Holiday (1963). Both with The Shadows and The Norrie Paramor Strings.
The Minute You're Gone (1965)
Congratulations (1968)

Once in the 1970s:
We Don't Talk Anymore (1979).

Three times in the 1980s:
Living Doll (1986). With The Young Ones, featuring Hank Marvin
Mistletoe & Wine (1988).
Do They Know It's Christmas? (1989). Part of Band Aid II.

Twice in the 1990s:
Saviour's Day (1990).
The Millennium Prayer (1999).

This total of 15 chart-toppers includes the Band Aid II single from 1989, which some sources choose to ignore. Only six of the fifteen have been under Cliff Richard's solo name; the other nine have all been collaborations or had co-credits.

Labels: charts, Cliff Richard, Katy Perry, Kings of Leon

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'Blind Vision' - Blancmange



'Sight For Sore Eyes' - M People



After many weeks of headaches, culminating last week in the most severe migraine I've ever experienced (for six days at its most intense) and a fortnight off work, the inevitable has happened. The lovely Boots optician has informed me today that I need glasses for reading and being on the PC. I always suspected this day would come, as my sister, both parents and all four grandparents are/were spectacle wearers, but it still came as a shock today, even after 42 years! I have therefore been railroaded into choosing two pairs of frames very quickly. It was a badly-considered, rushed decision, so I will probably decide I don't like them when I get them next week. I have also been relieved of two hundred pounds. What a day.

Labels: blind, eyes, glasses, optician, sight, vision

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Republican vice-presidential candidate Sarah Palin has set the US presidential race alight overnight with her strong, confident and rather bitchy attack on Barack Obama. She described herself, indirectly, as a pitbull in lipstick. I think I've met a few of those.



Seven days ago, Sarah Palin was almost unknown, even in America. However, John McCain's announcement of his running mate didn't seem unfamiliar to those of us who remember A Fish Called Wanda. After all, we've seen the McCain-Palin combination before:

Labels: chips, McCain, obama, Palin

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For the first time ever in nine years of Big Brother, there isn't anyone left in the last seven who I want to win, or who I think deserves to win. My winner of this series was Luke, who was evicted shockingly early. He's the ringtone on my mobile and the main reason I was watching, as he was the entertainer and the viewers' commentator on the house. By last week, I had just about come round to the idea that if anyone left had to win, it might as well be Lisa. Then she was evicted on Friday. (She wouldn't have won anyway as she's already won £25k, so the public wouldn't have let her win twice.)

So, who's going tonight and who do you want to win?

I'd love to see Rex and Darnell go tonight, as I can't stand either of them, but it won't be happening. If viewers had been voting to evict, there would be a chance, but as they've been voting to win, I have a feeling that the two who will be walking this evening will be Sara and Mohamed. They're the only two of the seven left who have no chance of emerging as the winner.

The person I would have most liked to see evicted from this whole BB season is Zezi, the bloody awful co-presenter of BBLB. How the hell has she survived for so long? She's like a demonstration video of how not to present television, interrupting guests immediately after she's asked them a question, not listening to their replies, not understanding words she's saying in the script...and with an annoying voice to boot. Thankfully, we have Davina presenting BB's Big Mouth all this week from tonight, to remind us how to do TV properly.

Given the choice of housemates left to win this season, I'll only be vaguely happy if Mikey (thankfully now the bookies' favourite), Kathreya or Rachel win, but none of them have shone like I would expect from a winner. If self-obsessed, self-pitying Darnell wins this bloody series, or obnoxious, arrogant Rex, I think I will slit my wrists because of what it says about the viewing public. There will be no hope for humanity.

UPDATE: Mohamed is indeed the first out. He agrees with me and thinks Sara will be next. We shall see...

ANOTHER UPDATE: Oh, for heaven's sake. These housemates are pathetic. Kathreya is announced as the next evictee and you would think she's being sent to the gas chambers, not to meet the lovely Davina and see the others again in three days. She blew her chances with her ridiculous over-reaction to Darnell the night before last, which must have lost her a lot of sympathy. It certainly did here. The big question is, will they use Siouxsie & The Banshees' 'Happy House' for her best bits?

Yes, they bloomin' well did!
Well, not her best bits; for her first VT compilation package.

Labels: Big Brother 9

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1,434 days.

Or 204 weeks.

Or 3 years, 11 months and 4 days...and a mere £9.325 billion.


... until Friday 27 July 2012 - the start of the London Olympics and Paralympics.

You wouldn't want to be Lord Coe, would you?

London officially becomes the next Olympic city at the end of today's closing ceremony in Beijing. (BBC One coverage starts at 12:00 BST.) This is despite the fact that Beijing is still to host the Paralympics, which start in thirteen days' time. Bumbling Boris, who will hopefully be voted out of office two months before the London Olympics start, will be handed the Antwerp flag and then it's all ours!

At exactly 14:04 BST today, if it runs to time, London will be given eight minutes of the closing ceremony to give a flavour of what we can expect to see in 2012. (It's that Chinese lucky eight thing again.) This will apparently include:

• A London bus being chased into the stadium by three of our cyclists; gold medallist Victoria Pendleton, triple gold medallist Chris Hoy and BMXer Shanaze Reade (who fell off in her final, thereby showing the full range, from British excellence to plucky, heroic British failure).
  

• A soundtrack which includes the shipping forecast.

• David Beckham.

• The bus opening out like a flower.

• Leona Lewis and Jimmy Page doing 'Whole Lotta Love'.

I'm still unsure whether to be horrified or excited by this prospect. It's clearly going to be a bit naffer than 5,000 years of Chinese history, which was done so effectively in Beijing's opening ceremony. It looks very much like it will be done with a cheeky, British sense of humour, which will basically be the UK saying, "Look, we can't afford the forty billion that China has spent on the games. We're going to do it our own way, on the cheap, if that's okay with the rest of the world."

While all of this is going on in Beijing, there's a party in The Mall in London, where the Olympic spirit will be celebrated, appropriately enough, outside the home of Phil The Greek. Apparently, he and his German wife Liz won't be at home.

London has thirty screens up today to watch the closing ceremony and the gig on The Mall, in which the acts taking part, including Will Young, James Morrison and The Feeling will be doing sport-related songs. (Spandau Ballet's 'Gold', by any chance?) There's also rumoured to be a link to Notting Hill Carnival, where Heather Small will perform something. Hmm, I wonder which song that will be...

Labels: London, Olympics

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No, not another one in the Olympics, but in the final of Mr Gay UK last night. Congratulations to 20 year-old Dino Fabian Gamecho, representing Pulse Café Bar in Cardiff, shown below after winning the title last night in Manchester, at the start of Manchester Pride weekend.

There's been at least one winner from a Scottish venue in the sixteen year history of Mr Gay UK in this format, but I believe all the others have been from England and Dino is the first Welsh representative to be Mr Gay UK. It's all timed rather nicely for Cardiff Pride in two weeks' time. We will be there.

In the meantime, Dino might want to think about changing his MySpace profile name if he's going to try getting on with people. I don't think 'F*ck RIGHT off!' (without the asterisk) is the most welcoming of names. Young people, honestly.

Labels: Cardiff, Mr Gay UK

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Synchronised swimming. I hadn't watched it for years until today's BBC Olympic coverage. It's clearly come on a long way in terms of ambition, gymnastics and theatricality, but two things stand out for a 'sport' which includes the words 'synchronised' and 'swimming' in its name.

1) Much of it isn't synchronised.
2) There's no swimming.

'Water dance' would be a more accurate name. Is it a sport? Should it be in the Olympics?

More importantly, given that we don't do it, please can it be replaced in the Olympics by snooker, darts and ballroom dancing? We're quite good at those and not many countries do the first two. Unfortunately, those pesky Russians have just won the synchronised swimming team event, giving them both of the available gold medals in synchro. This has taken them above Team GB in the medals table with 19 golds, pushing us down to fourth with 18. Pah!

(Photo (c) The Tribune, India)

Labels: Olympics, synchronised swimming

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Chig has been away, to the city that is mourning the loss of one of its musical legends yesterday, but will be celebrating later today when an act from the city claims the UK's number one album spot.

Where has Chig been? Answers in the comments, if you please.

ANSWER: Yes, it was Dublin.
EXPLANATION: The headline news in Ireland on Saturday was the death of Ronnie Drew, the founder of legendary band The Dubliners, at the age of 73.

In the UK, The Dubliners had two bouts of chart success, twenty years apart. They had three hits in 1967, then returned to the top ten in 1987 with this 'duet' with The Pogues on the old classic, 'The Irish Rover'.



On Sunday, the newest stars to emerge from Dublin, The Script, entered the UK album chart at number one, as both of their singles climbed back up the charts too. 'The Man Who Can't Be Moved' went back up one to its previous peak of #3 (and is currently poised at #2 in the midweeks). Previous single 'We Cry', which made #15 in May, leaps from #55 to #33.

It has taken the guys a long time to reinvent themselves from their former incarnation, the boyband Mytown, which included, I believe, two current members of The Script. It's nine years since this made #22 in the UK. 'Party All Night' was Mytown's only UK hit. Check out those jackets! Even in 1999, they weren't cool.

Labels: Dublin, Dubliners, Mytown, Pogues, quiz, Script

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...which probably explains everything.



Former bible-bashing singer Katy Perry continues her transformation and her path to world domination today as her bi-curious anthem* 'I Kissed A Girl' makes its inevitable climb from #4 to number one and sees off the copycats at the same time. The two cover versions which crept into the UK charts last week and led to Perry's track being released early and midweek last week have both disappeared from the chart today.

The song, which includes Max Martin and Cathy Dennis amongst its four co-writers, has been number one for nine weeks in Canada and seven weeks on Billboard's Hot 100 in America. 'I Kissed A Girl' is also number one in Australia and climbs from #10 to the top in Sweden this week. It's number two in Denmark and New Zealand and climbs from #16 to #2 this week in Ireland. It's #3 in the Netherlands and #4 in Finland and Norway.

There's a chance this may become the biggest-selling song of the year in the UK until the X Factor winner hits us in December. The CD version isn't released here until Monday 1st September, so there's every chance of this song 'doing an Umbrella'.

It has also spawned more YouTube cover versions than you can shake a cherry chapstick at, with variations including 'I kissed a frog/horse/squirrel/your mother...' etc. This 'gay version' (like the original isn't entertaining enough already to gay men) is typical of the rubbish that's around, but it has some nice pictures:



* Can you think of any other song which can be referred to as a 'bi-curious anthem'? I think Katy Perry has carved a niche all of her own here. One of her previous songs is called 'UR So Gay'.It's a song to her boyfriend who is adopting 'gay ways' despite not actually fancying men. ("You're so gay and you don't even like boys.") Her album's called 'One of the Boys'. Are you sensing a running theme of gender confusion here?

Labels: chart, Katy Perry, Number One

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Day two at the Olympics and the first medal for Team GB is a gold! Well done to Nicole Cooke (above) for winning the women's cycling road race, particularly as it looked like most of it was in the pouring rain! It's the first Olympic gold medal for Wales since 1972, when Richard Meade won a solo and a team gold in equestrian events; two of Great Britain's total of four golds for the whole 1972 games.

Labels: cycling, gold, Nicole Cooke, Olympics

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The photos are old news, I know, but I haven't made them public before. I'm just experimenting with making slideshows at Slide.com. This is my first attempt, with a random selection of my photos from the Eurovision Winner's Show at London's Scala, when Ani Lorak totally outshone Dima Bilan. You should be able to hear Scissor Sisters while this is playing, but I can't hear the track. Can you?
The music track did work, but has now been removed after extensive user testing and feedback. Thank you Mark.

Labels: Ani Lorak, Eurovision 2008, Scala, Ukraine

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Dale is being evicted from the Big Brother house, but I told you that this morning. (See the crossed out bit below.) Thank goodness. No doubt the female housemates are relieved, since they know now that he won't be carrying out his audition tape threat, "If there's any fanny in the house, I'll nail it". Darnell, who was brought up in America, where that F word has a different meaning, has probably been running scared too.

Who'll be the one to tell Dale that Jen went right off him when she saw his VT, including the bit where he said, "I'll screw them all over for a hundred grand", and that she's gone back to the husband who used to beat her up? (I believe everything I read in the Daily Star, obviously.)

LATER NOTE: CLEARLY THIS LAST BIT HAS NO BASIS IN TRUTH WHATSOEVER, AS JEN TURNED UP AT TONIGHT'S EVICTION INTERVIEW TO MEET DALE. IN NO WAY WAS THIS BECAUSE THEY HAVE BEEN PROMISED LOTS OF MONEY FOR A TACKY PHOTOSESSION IN THE BATH TOGETHER, LIKE WHAT LUKE AND BEX DID.

Just wanted to make that clear.



Who's the loser now Dale?

That photo is one of many posted by Dale's friends on facebook, as are the three below. Although I have struggled to like him as anything more than eye candy because of his introductory VT on day one, I have to admit he came across pretty well in his interview with Davina tonight. If I hadn't watched the opening night this year, I would probably have liked Dale more than I did. He was an enthusiastic housemate in the tasks and actually had conversations which were fun and not about himself. (Darnell would do well to take note.) However, he was also very easily roused to anger, and quite frighteningly yobbish on 'fight night' after 'picturegate'. Let's hope he is lured away to a life of modelling and 'gay-for-pay' webshoots and never, ever gets to finish his teacher training. Would you want such a potty-mouthed and aggressive person in charge of any children? I think not. His talents clearly lie elsewhere. And here they are below. Best stick to the DJing. Expect to see him on the cover of attitude around October, when he may just have finished sorting through his facebook friend requests.

Labels: Big Brother 9, Dale

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It's 08/08/08; the day the Chinese chose to start the Beijing Olympics as the number 8 is considered so lucky in China. So, at 8.08pm local time, the opening ceremony will start and drag on for about three and a half hours. I'll watch the highlights later.

We'll post today's golden videos tonight, probably while watching Dale's eviction from Big Brother. In the meantime, if you are on the dole or self-employed, enjoy the world's biggest firework display from Beijing later!

Wow! What an opening ceremony that was. I don't agree with the Olympics being in China, but as a spectacle this afternoon, that was amazing. It looked like they had spent the last seven years rehearsing.

Anyway, it's now time for our final couple of Olympic countdown videos. We're on a gold run Bob! This is also Olympic cliché alert time. If you see or hear Spandau Ballet's 'Gold' or Shed Seven's 'Going For Gold' used on any TV or radio coverage over the next sixteen days, let us know and we will name and shame the unimaginative culprits. Both great songs though, it can't be denied.


'Going For Gold' - Shed Seven




'Gold' - Spandau Ballet

Labels: Beijing, gold, Olympics, Shed Seven, Spandau Ballet

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The Olympics officially start tomorrow and our music-related countdown continues.

Since the dawn of time (1952), there have only been three top 75 hits called 'Silver'. The one that didn't make the top 40 was by a Canadian group called Moist. Let's not even go there.

Instead, here are both top 40 hits called 'Silver'. First, a number 15 hit from 2002 by Hundred Reasons, Then a hit from 1984 by Echo & The Bunnymen, which is much better, but only made number 30. There's no justice in the world. Which leads us nicely onto China. We'll be going for gold tomorrow, with no sign of Henry Kelly.

'Silver' - Hundred Reasons




'Silver' - Echo & The Bunnymen

Labels: Echo and The Bunnymen, Hundred Reasons, Olympics, silver

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We bring you the pictures that the others have missed. Here's a moment of intimacy today over the Big Brother garden fence, as ginger prince Rex and girlfriend Nicole demonstrate the true balance of power in their relationship. Ain't it sweet?

Labels: Big Brother 9

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I thought it would be a nice idea to post music videos based on bronze, silver and gold in these last three days before the opening ceremony for the Beijing Olympics. (The games have started already in some sports, but we're not supposed to notice yet.)

However, this great plan has been scuppered already. Can you believe there has never been a top 40 hit single which includes the words 'bronze' or 'bronzed' in its title? (Why didn't Peter Andre ever release a song called Bronzed Adonis? Opportunity missed.) Nor has any artist with either of those words in their name ever had a top 40 hit.

There is a Bronze Records label, set up in 1971 and releasing music by acts including Osibisa, Manfred Mann, The Real Kids, Motörhead, The Damned, Girlschool and Hawkwind. It's also the label which scored a #19 hit in 1978 with this pop gem. There'll never be a better excuse...

'Mirrors' - Sally Oldfield



That wasn't really the point though, so instead of a bronze song, let's have one of the two hit songs to ever feature the word 'Olympic' in their title. Sadly, there is no YouTube footage of 'An Olympic Record' by The Barron Knights from October 1968; the month of the Mexico City Olympics, so here's the other one. This is one side of 808 State's number 10 hit from 1990 - not even an Olympic year - when it was paired with 'Cubik'. It's the only top 40 hit to be called 'Olympic'. Funnily enough, hearing it now, it sounds vaguely Chinese at the start, don't you think? It was released eleven years before Beijing was even chosen for 2008.

'Olympic' - 808 State

Labels: 808 State, Olympic, Olympics

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It's Dickhead Dale versus Sulky Stuart in this week's hunktastic Big Brother eviction battle. Both of them have been moping around and both have said they want to go, so they can hardly complain.

In a brilliant twist, there won't be a phone vote this week, but Dale and Stuart will literally fight it out. They're going to wrestle each other in the Big Brother paddling pool filled with mud, oil or chocolate in a series of battles over the next three days, wearing nothing but Speedos. The overall loser will be evicted on Friday.

Oh sorry, that second paragraph was just a dream I had. It's a phone vote, as usual.

Labels: Big Brother 9

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Elizabeth Taylor is ill, which is a shame. However, her publicist would like it to be known that she's not as ill as some reports have made out. I've never seen or heard her publicist, one Mr Dick Guttman, but some sixth sense tells me he may well be a screaming queen. Here are his reassuring words about Dame Elizabeth today:

"At present, she is surrounded by family, friends and fabulous jewels."

Phew! What a relief she has all three. I'm sure they're all aiding her recovery immensely. I know I can rarely move from my sickbed without covering it in rubies and emeralds.
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Chig will be spending the evening in the company of kd lang (and more than a few lesbians and Radio 2 listeners, I suspect). It'll be a lovely evening, I'm sure. However, friends will be texting me the results of tonight's Big Brother eviction and if it's Luke who gets evicted, as the bookies are predicting, I will be very, very cross indeed. I would urge you to vote for someone else, but there's nothing we can do now; the lines closed at 23:59 last night. My faith in humanity will be severely dented if the most entertaining housemate and deserving winner gets the boot tonight over self-obsessed Darnell, dull Rachel and the other five.
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Chig is extremely pleased to hear that justice has finally been done for Barry George, freed today after being wrongfully imprisoned for the murder of Jill Dando for eight years. Anyone who followed the original case or watched the Rough Justice programme (or whatever it was called) about the case has been waiting for this day to come. There's no way he killed her, as even some of the original jurors now realise. His conviction is one of the biggest stains on the reputation of the criminal justice system in this country. It has deprived an innocent man of years of his life and allowed the murderer to relax in peace. Perhaps the police will now put some effort into finding the real murderer. You know, someone with the motive, the capacity and the weapon? Just a thought.
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It's a no-brainer this week, isn't it, boys and girls? Mario or Rebecca? The Shame of Coventry needs to go back home (even if her home is about 12 miles from mine, which is quite frightening). Bye, bye Bex!

Labels: Big Brother 9

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Another Sunday night, another Spanish sporting victory. Seven hours and fifteen minutes after it was due to start, Nadal has finally beaten Federer in the best final since Goran Ivanisevic's... Now I can watch last night's Doctor Who at last.
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Just in case you should ever be asked who the men's semi-finalists were at Wimbledon 2008 - in a future pub quiz, perhaps - it occurred to me today that the following might come in handy to remember today's matches:

Rafa and Rainer, Roger and Russian.

Don't say you never learn anything here.

Labels: Wimbledon

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"You've got nothing to worry about," Bex told Jen today in the Big Brother house, after it was revealed that Jen faces Rex in the public vote. Oh, how wrong she is! One of the things that manipulative Jen needs to worry about is what to wear on Friday, when she walks out of that door to meet Davina. Jen is so deluded, she thinks people will vote to evict the perfectly decent Rex. There's no contest. I've no doubt she'll turn on the waterworks, but will anyone care? Bye bye Jen!

Labels: Big Brother 9

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¡Ole! ¡Ole! ¡Ole! ¡Ole! .... ¡Y Viva España!

A thoroughly deserved win tonight for Spain in the Euro 2008 final. I don't even mind about the money. It had been 44 years since Spain's football team won anything significant (when they won this competition in 1964), so it's about time and no one will begrudge them their win, as they finally put to bed their reputation as perennial underachievers in football tournaments. The stats speak for themselves; 12 goals scored and only 3 conceded across their six matches, due in no small part to goalie and captain Iker Casillas. That's him holding the cup above - and a bonus picture here, for Adrian, who picked him out as one of the hunks of the tournament.

It's been 39 years since Spain won Eurovision. Perhaps they could have a serious go at that next? In a timely news story, it's interesting to note that the last person who was seen as a serious Spanish hope for winning the song contest, namely Rosa in 2002, last night became the first person chosen to represent their country in both the Eurovision Song Contest and the Eurovision Dance Contest. She won the right to dance for Spain later this year in yesterday's final, with her male partner to be chosen at a later date.

España...¡Baila! ¡Baila! ¡Baila!

Labels: Casillas, Euro2008, Eurovision, Rosa, Spain

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I'm watching the Euro 2008 final, torn between emotionally wanting Spain to win and financially wanting my early bet on Germany to go all the way. (I'm already £10 in profit for Germany making the final, but I'll get another £25 back if they win.)



Spanish footballer Cesc Fàbregas and Zachary Quinto (Sylar from Heroes).
Have you ever seen them in the same place at the same time? No, thought not.

Labels: Cesc Fàbregas, Euro2008, Heroes, Sylar, Zachary Quinto

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Considering she was 1-33 with the bookies to be evicted and Mohamed was 12-1, no one can be surprised that Sylvia is out. Perhaps if she'd been a bit nicer to people from the start...? Not pulling faces at the blind housemate would probably have helped too.

So that's all the gays and the black women, including one Muslim, gone already. Which minority group will be eliminated next?

It's not very Channel 4, is it?

Labels: Big Brother 9, Sylvia

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