World of Chig   

Possibly not Notting Hill Carnival then.

Yesterday's little quiz was clearly too difficult (for anyone to be bothered to answer), so here's a pictorial clue. Needless to say, the thrills of a three-day weekend away followed by one day back at work have taken their toll. I'm knackered and ever-so-slightly grumpy, but feel slightly better when I think of the full version of this picture. Nevertheless, I'm off for an early night.

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Living for the weekend

What a fantastic Bank Holiday weekend I have had. I hope you have too. Can you guess where Chig was on this weekend of clashing cultural and homosexualist priorities? Answer tomorrow (along with a few photos).

A: Bristol Mardi Gras
B: Manchester Pride
C: Notting Hill Carnival

If you do a little detective work, you'll find the answer in the photo gallery of one of the websites linked above! Clue: red t-shirt.

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00:39 A bit pissed.

We're shameless
We will do anything
To get our fifteen minutes of fame
We have no integrity
We're ready to crawl
To obtain celebrity
We'll do anything at all

Like I often said, Maxwell, Saskia and Kinga were always my favourites in this year's Big Brother, and anyone who says otherwise is a liar. Hypocrite, moi?

Saskia love, eyes open! You'll never get glamour work with your eyes shut...

Tits and teeth, Kinga, tits and teeth! While I try to make my belly look as big as your chest...

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Baby's got a secret

Have you been dancing to the new Madonna album without realising?

Chig can't wait to hear Madge's forthcoming 'Hung Up' single, as it apparently samples Abba's 'Ring, Ring' (hence the phone connection in the title, presumably). She'd sell more copies if she just called it 'Hung' though, especially amongst her, ahem, core audience. You know, the ones who bought her American Life album, even though every review told them it was shit (as if the title track single hadn't proved that already), and then filed it away at the back of their CD collections. (FYI: That was the first proper Madonna album that Chig didn't buy, as I still hadn't forgiven her for wasting my money on the Music album.) In fact, I haven't liked a Madonna single since Beautiful Stranger, and that was SIX years ago. Fingers crossed.

UPDATE @ 23:55: I had no idea, when I wrote this in the early hours of this morning, that today was Madonna's birthday, which is weird. I had even less idea that Madge would be making the news today by falling off a horse and breaking a few bones. Now I remember very clearly that she spent some time as a cowgirl. (See photo for evidence.) Okay, so it was roughly for the duration of the 'Don't Tell Me' video, but surely she can ride a horse? No? Just the line-dancing then, was it?

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Goodbye Big Brother....hello Premiership football!

And so, as one obsession ends, along comes another to replace it.
The Premiership season starts today. Come on the Villa!


Wow! What a start! The mighty Villa are third already, and we haven't kicked a ball yet. You've got to love Ceefax for being so up-to-date and yet totally meaningless...

Bloody M*n Un*t*d on top again though. Grrr.

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...and yours too. Well done Anthony!

(And now I'm wishing I'd put an accumulator bet on the top five, which I predicted in the correct order on Wednesday, as did Diamond Geezer. Damn.)

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He's the greatest dancer*

*He's not really, but I don't care - he makes up for it in other areas.

All pictures (c) Channel 4, 2005

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Ant rap


Anthony Hutton can afford to look pleased with himself. He'll be winning Big Brother tonight if the results of our company's intranet survey all day today are anything to go by. Here are the results by 15:30, when I left:

Anthony 49.5%
Eugene 37.8%
Makosi 8.1%
Kinga 4.6%

So, it's definitely a two horse race, as the total number of people voting was 715, across various parts of England, Scotland and Wales, making it a pretty good sample. (Compare 715 with serious political opinion polls, which are frequently based on only 1,000 people.) It was also impossible to vote more than once per person, and, as it was non-compulsory, is more likely to be skewed towards those people who are interested in Big Brother, and therefore more likely to vote in real life. (Real life - remember that?)

One note of caution though - the question was 'Who will win Big Brother?' It wasn't 'Who do you want to win Big Brother?' The answers to those two questions may be different, but with a lead of 11.7%, and the fact that Eugene has lost the sympathy vote by claiming the fifty grand on Wednesday (and I don't blame him either), I think Ant has it in the bag. Wahey!

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Lost - episode 2

For those of you who don’t speak French, I’ve translated the woman’s distress call that the others heard on the radio. Don’t look in the comments box below if you don’t want to know the shocking truth.

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Don’t, on any account, gather the survivors together to have a meeting. That would be far too sensible.

Let the fattest person be in charge of gathering together what little remaining food there is.

Make sure that the hunkiest survivor possesses a white t-shirt. At the first sign of a tropical rainstorm, he must get soaked while wearing it. Prior to this, he could even be completely shirtless.

If, in the relative safety of the plane’s cockpit, one of your number is plucked from you, as if by a huge monster, it’s probably best to run outside into the unprotected open jungle, rather than stay in the safe place.

In that respect, it’s probably best if none of the survivors has ever seen Jurassic Park.

If there is a token English person on the island, he must be slightly ‘odd’, by virtue of being English.

Next week: The survivors look for a conch.

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Freedom at last for poor Anthony - Craig's out!

Craig tries to hide his disappointment.

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Staying in is still the new staying in.


Just got in from work, and guess where Chig's going tonight?
Abso-bloody-lutely nowhere, that's where!

Big Brother
Big Brother - again
Lost - again
Nip/Tuck - again

Has there ever been a better midweek night's entertainment on one channel?
(Even the edition of 8 Out of 10 Cats, which is the only punctuation to those shows, is a new one, and not a repeat of Friday's.) Oh, Channel 4, you are really spoiling us...

All we need now is for creepy Craig to get the boot tonight, and all will be right with the world.

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Enola Gay Pride Day

Chig will be commemorating the 60th anniversary of the Hiroshima bomb today by trolling the streets and park at Brighton 'and Hove' Pride. Hardly appropriate, I know, but hey, I didn't pick the dates...

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Boot out bitchy tits!


Oh, good god. Until a few minutes ago, Chig hadn't been particularly bothered whether it would be Eugene or Derek voted out tonight, although it would have been more entertaining for the final week if Derek had stayed and then come second or third. However, seeing the suppressed smile on Craig's face as Davina announced Derek's name, it's just occured to me what's going through Craig's disturbed mind. He now thinks he has 'the gay vote' sown up, doesn't he? Kemal - gone. Derek - gone. He's laughing inside. He REALLY thinks he has a chance of winning, despite being so horrible and a big cry baby. Oh well, it should be entertaining to see him brought down to earth with a bump when he's the next one out - even ahead of Eugene. Craig is so vile, he would have difficulty winning Big Brother if it was just the punters in a gay club voting. And honey, if you can't win the gay vote, you ain't gonna win shit. End of.

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Canada: scared of illumination

It's an absolute miracle that no one at all was killed in tonight's plane crash in Toronto, but the BBC's report reveals that those Canadians are prepared for absolutely anything, from a surprise torch to an unexpected neon display;

"Mr Shaw said the airport had been under a "red alert" since midday Tuesday because of danger of lighting."


I've never been to a Canadian airport. Are they usually dark?

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Write your own caption

Dear Big Brother producers,

Please could you broadcast a version of the daily highlights programme with Craig edited out? He's really getting on my tits.

End of.

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