For the first time ever in nine years of Big Brother, there isn't anyone left in the last seven who I want to win, or who I think deserves to win. My winner of this series was Luke, who was evicted shockingly early. He's the ringtone on my mobile and the main reason I was watching, as he was the entertainer and the viewers' commentator on the house. By last week, I had just about come round to the idea that if anyone left had to win, it might as well be Lisa. Then she was evicted on Friday. (She wouldn't have won anyway as she's already won £25k, so the public wouldn't have let her win twice.)

So, who's going tonight and who do you want to win?

I'd love to see Rex and Darnell go tonight, as I can't stand either of them, but it won't be happening. If viewers had been voting to evict, there would be a chance, but as they've been voting to win, I have a feeling that the two who will be walking this evening will be Sara and Mohamed. They're the only two of the seven left who have no chance of emerging as the winner.

The person I would have most liked to see evicted from this whole BB season is Zezi, the bloody awful co-presenter of BBLB. How the hell has she survived for so long? She's like a demonstration video of how not to present television, interrupting guests immediately after she's asked them a question, not listening to their replies, not understanding words she's saying in the script...and with an annoying voice to boot. Thankfully, we have Davina presenting BB's Big Mouth all this week from tonight, to remind us how to do TV properly.

Given the choice of housemates left to win this season, I'll only be vaguely happy if Mikey (thankfully now the bookies' favourite), Kathreya or Rachel win, but none of them have shone like I would expect from a winner. If self-obsessed, self-pitying Darnell wins this bloody series, or obnoxious, arrogant Rex, I think I will slit my wrists because of what it says about the viewing public. There will be no hope for humanity.

UPDATE: Mohamed is indeed the first out. He agrees with me and thinks Sara will be next. We shall see...

ANOTHER UPDATE: Oh, for heaven's sake. These housemates are pathetic. Kathreya is announced as the next evictee and you would think she's being sent to the gas chambers, not to meet the lovely Davina and see the others again in three days. She blew her chances with her ridiculous over-reaction to Darnell the night before last, which must have lost her a lot of sympathy. It certainly did here. The big question is, will they use Siouxsie & The Banshees' 'Happy House' for her best bits?

Yes, they bloomin' well did!
Well, not her best bits; for her first VT compilation package.

Labels: Big Brother 9

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Dale is being evicted from the Big Brother house, but I told you that this morning. (See the crossed out bit below.) Thank goodness. No doubt the female housemates are relieved, since they know now that he won't be carrying out his audition tape threat, "If there's any fanny in the house, I'll nail it". Darnell, who was brought up in America, where that F word has a different meaning, has probably been running scared too.

Who'll be the one to tell Dale that Jen went right off him when she saw his VT, including the bit where he said, "I'll screw them all over for a hundred grand", and that she's gone back to the husband who used to beat her up? (I believe everything I read in the Daily Star, obviously.)

LATER NOTE: CLEARLY THIS LAST BIT HAS NO BASIS IN TRUTH WHATSOEVER, AS JEN TURNED UP AT TONIGHT'S EVICTION INTERVIEW TO MEET DALE. IN NO WAY WAS THIS BECAUSE THEY HAVE BEEN PROMISED LOTS OF MONEY FOR A TACKY PHOTOSESSION IN THE BATH TOGETHER, LIKE WHAT LUKE AND BEX DID.

Just wanted to make that clear.



Who's the loser now Dale?

That photo is one of many posted by Dale's friends on facebook, as are the three below. Although I have struggled to like him as anything more than eye candy because of his introductory VT on day one, I have to admit he came across pretty well in his interview with Davina tonight. If I hadn't watched the opening night this year, I would probably have liked Dale more than I did. He was an enthusiastic housemate in the tasks and actually had conversations which were fun and not about himself. (Darnell would do well to take note.) However, he was also very easily roused to anger, and quite frighteningly yobbish on 'fight night' after 'picturegate'. Let's hope he is lured away to a life of modelling and 'gay-for-pay' webshoots and never, ever gets to finish his teacher training. Would you want such a potty-mouthed and aggressive person in charge of any children? I think not. His talents clearly lie elsewhere. And here they are below. Best stick to the DJing. Expect to see him on the cover of attitude around October, when he may just have finished sorting through his facebook friend requests.

Labels: Big Brother 9, Dale

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We bring you the pictures that the others have missed. Here's a moment of intimacy today over the Big Brother garden fence, as ginger prince Rex and girlfriend Nicole demonstrate the true balance of power in their relationship. Ain't it sweet?

Labels: Big Brother 9

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It's Dickhead Dale versus Sulky Stuart in this week's hunktastic Big Brother eviction battle. Both of them have been moping around and both have said they want to go, so they can hardly complain.

In a brilliant twist, there won't be a phone vote this week, but Dale and Stuart will literally fight it out. They're going to wrestle each other in the Big Brother paddling pool filled with mud, oil or chocolate in a series of battles over the next three days, wearing nothing but Speedos. The overall loser will be evicted on Friday.

Oh sorry, that second paragraph was just a dream I had. It's a phone vote, as usual.

Labels: Big Brother 9

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It's a no-brainer this week, isn't it, boys and girls? Mario or Rebecca? The Shame of Coventry needs to go back home (even if her home is about 12 miles from mine, which is quite frightening). Bye, bye Bex!

Labels: Big Brother 9

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"You've got nothing to worry about," Bex told Jen today in the Big Brother house, after it was revealed that Jen faces Rex in the public vote. Oh, how wrong she is! One of the things that manipulative Jen needs to worry about is what to wear on Friday, when she walks out of that door to meet Davina. Jen is so deluded, she thinks people will vote to evict the perfectly decent Rex. There's no contest. I've no doubt she'll turn on the waterworks, but will anyone care? Bye bye Jen!

Labels: Big Brother 9

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Considering she was 1-33 with the bookies to be evicted and Mohamed was 12-1, no one can be surprised that Sylvia is out. Perhaps if she'd been a bit nicer to people from the start...? Not pulling faces at the blind housemate would probably have helped too.

So that's all the gays and the black women, including one Muslim, gone already. Which minority group will be eliminated next?

It's not very Channel 4, is it?

Labels: Big Brother 9, Sylvia

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It's hard to believe Big Brother is going to last as long as September, isn't it? It's all falling apart on day 23. Dancing Dennis was removed at lunchtime today, quite rightly, for spitting in Mohamed's face, so we never saw him in his eviction outfit, but we have the photo exclusive (right). It all started after housemates laid into Rex, after he killed Jen's grandmother, chopped up her body and shoved the body parts in Jen's bed. Sorry, I mean he left a tiny smudge, invisible to the camera, on a painting Jen had done, and apologised profusely for it minutes later.

Labels: Big Brother 9, Dennis, Jen, picturegate, Rex

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About time too. The Big Brother producers removed the nasty, vindictive, manipulative Alex from the house after 20:00 tonight, without giving her a chance to say goodbye to the others. Not that C4 has any problem with her being nasty, vindictive and manipulative, of course. As we know from Charley last year, they're quite happy to offer platitudes to the regulators while keeping the appalling people in. But Alex has taken things one step too far, and certainly further than anyone else nominated for eviction has gone in any previous series. She actually made threats about what she would do to people who had nominated her once in the outside world. Now that IS threatening and horribly sinister. Thank goodness she's gone.

This week's eviction is cancelled, so how are they going to fill Friday night's programmes now? Like I care. I'll be at a wedding.

Labels: Alex, Big Brother 9

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I think this woman is going to make our Summer. I think she's already won Big Brother. I love her.

Labels: Big Brother 9, Kathreya

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"Who would want to get in the bed with a nearly 43 year-old man?"

Stephanie, disgusted, in the Big Brother diary room.

Posted by Chig, 42.

Labels: Big Brother 9

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An East Anglian-American albino, a blind Scottish radio producer, two refugees from different wars in Africa, a ginger rich kid 'executive chef', a motormouth trainee teacher, an arrogant student DJ, a Muslim teenage Mum, a crazy Thai massage therapist, a student who was in Popstars: The Rivals when she was 13, a geeky politics student, a Vicky Pollard gobshite Coventrian, a Catholic part-time model Mum and Big Brother's first couple, who have to pretend they're not.

What's not to love about Big Brother 9?

Oh, the dancing gay who looks like a pig. Never mind.

I think they saved the best 'til last. Kathreya from Thailand looks like great fun. She certainly had the best quote from the auditions; "I come from a good family, not a ping pong ball family." Class.

Presumably, Mario and Stephanie, who are pretending to be a couple, will have to sleep together in order to fool the others, while Lisa, the real partner of Mario (known to his Mum as Sean or Shaun) looks on in envy and keeps quiet. An intriguing start to the 93 day series. It's going to be a long Summer for some of them when Big Brother gets tough, with the Zero Tolerance policy towards rule-breaking. What fun!

Labels: Big Brother 9

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