World of Chig   


It's behind you! Would you marry a man this reckless?

And so, six weeks after the the stag weekend, comes the wedding.

Chig is off to Edinburgh today for the wedding of the year tomorrow. (It's the only wedding I'm attending this year, so it's the wedding of the year as far as I'm concerned.) I'm being an usher at the nuptials of my old friend Bristolcream (above) and his lovely fiancée, who doesn't yet have an amusing nom-de-plume from me. It's my first time as an usher and I'm really looking forward to it. (I still haven't been anyone's best man, and I can't imagine that happening now.)

I'm also looking forward to seeing Edinburgh again after several years. This is the first time, despite about seven visits to the Scottish capital, that I've been at a 'normal' time of year. I've never been when it hasn't been either Edinburgh Festival time or Hogmanay. I'm expecting it to seem a bit quiet. I'll be staying in Leith for the next two nights. I wonder...I wonder...

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Glorify terrorism! Incite religious hatred!

Celebrate Bonfire Night!

I do hope we're all making plans to celebrate the 400th anniversary of the Gunpowder Plot next weekend. With 5th November falling on a Saturday this time, there's really no excuse not to, and it may well be the last chance we have without breaking the law. If Blair's idiotic legislation on inciting religious hatred and praising terrorism makes it onto the statute books, we may never be able to celebrate the capture of Guido Fawkes and his Catholic gang again, although it's open to debate whether we're celebrating what they tried to do, or the fact that they were caught. I've never quite worked that one out. As a Catholic who believes in parliamentary democracy, you can appreciate my dilemma.

It may sound far-fetched to think that either of these pernicious pieces of forthcoming legislation could stop such a longstanding British tradition, and of course the law-makers will tell us that it's not the intention, but, if this rubbish gets passed, come next year, some council, somewhere, will decide they can't run the risk of being prosecuted, and will refuse to organise or licence any displays. Then the paranoia will spread like wild, er, 'fire' and displays across the country will vanish. More people will then have unsafe illegal bonfire parties, more people will be injured, and eventually more people will be killed on bonfire night than terrorists have ever managed to kill in this country.

Fight back now! Write to your MP.

We'll be off to the display at the Warwickshire County cricket ground in Edgbaston. I presume they're not so bothered about scorch marks on the pitch, now that the season has ended.

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Turkey, we love you!

20:10 The answer to yesterday's question was that only the BBC and French television have decided NOT to show the Congratulations show - tonight's live show from Copenhagen, which I am having to watch right now in a very small screen indeed on Turkish TV's website. Thank you TRT for streaming it.

It feels like most people I know are there in the Forum in Copenhagen, so this is a bit of a lonely experience. It'll be even more frustrating later when we can't even vote for the favourite Eurovision song of all time (from the shortlist of 14). Of course it will be Waterloo, but I'd like Ein Bisschen Frieden and Poupee de Cire to do well. For the first time tonight, we would have been able to vote for a UK song (Congratulations or Save Your Kisses For Me), but, thanks to the BBC, we can't. To think I pay my licence. Cheers, BBC. Was BBC Three really too busy with Robbie Williams and yet another repeat of Little Britain for us to see this show live? I've known for five months that this wouldn't be on, and I'm still fuming.

[Takes deep breath and settles in front of the PC.]

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Friday Quiz (rhetorical*)

What will the residents of the following countries...

Andorra, Austria, Belgium, Bosnia-Herzegovina, Croatia, Cyprus, Denmark, Finland, FYR Macedonia, Germany, Greece, Iceland, Ireland, Israel, Latvia, Lithuania, Malta, Monaco, The Netherlands, Norway, Poland, Portugal, Romania, Russia, Serbia & Montenegro, Slovenia, Spain, Sweden, Switzerland, Turkey and Ukraine able to do this weekend, and residents of the following countries...

Australia, Armenia and Estonia able to do later, while those of us in the UK and France won’t be able to do at all? (It’s nothing to do with Trafalgar Day, despite the singling out of those two countries.)

Clue: Chig is f*cking furious about it.
Answer tomorrow, if I haven’t exploded with anger by then.

*Because I forgot - you can't leave a comment anyway. The provider that I was using for the comments boxes has gone out of business. Really must sort out an alternative.

Saturday update: It's done - comments are back! Did it all on my own too. You don't know how pleased I am with myself.

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We've been entertained

Chig has been out to see Robbie Williams live in concert. It was brilliant. But Robbie wasn't actually there:

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Two problems have suddenly inflicted themselves on my PC. Are they connected?

Firstly, LimeWire won't go away. I close it down, make sure it's gone by clicking on Exit at the bottom, and then, a minute or two later, there it is popping up again! This is happening regardless of whether or not I'm online. I have definitely unticked the 'Connect on startup' box in Tools/Options/Connections, so why is this happening?

Please make it go away! It's driving me round the frigging bend.

Secondly, when I ran my Ad-Aware scan last night, it revealed that there is a worm on my PC. (This has only arrived in the last 6 days, since the last scan.) It's called WIN32.P2P-WORM.ALCAN.A.

What exactly is it doing? How dangerous is it? Why doesn't the Ad-Aware cleansing get rid of it? More importantly, how can I get rid of it?

I've found various references to this worm on the internet, but if anyone can help me deal with either of these problems in plain English, non-techno geek speak, I would be immensely grateful.

Oh yeah, there's also a mysterious programme called 'xz' which Microsoft is advising me on startup that it is refusing to open on safety grounds. Presumably, this is some destructive program connected with the worm? Is this also connected to the LimeWire problem?

Since I started writing this, LimeWire has opened up six or seven times. I'm walking away from the PC now, before I do something I regret, but any help will be gratefully received. There is even the possibility of a reward. Name your price.

Yours, in despair,

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Another brick in the wall window

Sven Goran Eriksson's house has been attacked by vandals, it is reported today. Someone has apparently thrown a brick through one of his windows.

Police have said that they don't suspect any of the England players, as the aim was on target.

I thank you.

Let's wait until tomorrow afternoon's result before we decide just how funny that joke really is, shall we?

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Today's most ridiculous 'news' photo

"Look at my puppies", exclaims Myleene.

"We are", smirk the two small dogs in her hands.

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And it’s goodnight from him

Better to regret the things you’ve done than the things you haven’t.

I’m so glad, with the sad news of Ronnie Barker’s death, announced today, that he was persuaded out of retirement after all these years to front ‘The Two Ronnies Sketchbook’ earlier this year. It’s almost as if he knew he didn’t have long left, isn’t it? Those Friday night programmes in the Spring made me laugh all over again at sketches I hadn’t seen for 30 years, along with some oft-repeated classics and some I didn’t remember at all. It was great to hear the bits of new material that they added to the show as well. Their comic touch was still very much there.

I have fond memories of Saturday night TV as a child; Doctor Who, The Generation Game, Seaside Special (if we were unlucky), The Two Ronnies, Parkinson and Match Of The Day when I was allowed to stay up. If it weren’t for the football, I might never have seen The Two Ronnies first time around. I was aware, even when I was under ten, that some of it was a bit rude. Even worse, when I understood the jokes and tried not to laugh too much in front of my parents! Happy days indeed, and I wonder whether any one person has made as many people in this country laugh via the TV as Ronnie Barker did, if you add in Porridge and Open All Hours. He was an amazing character actor, a comic with brilliant timing and, judging by the tributes on TV and radio today (from ordinary people on Radio 2 for example), a very caring and likeable man.

We’ll leave the final tribute to the man himself:

“I would like to be remembered as one of the funniest men that people have seen on television.”

Job done, I think.

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Things about the Tory leadership contest that Chig finds scary:

1. David Cameron is younger than me (by five months).

Er, that’s about it. Obviously the rest of the inter-pensioner squabbling, and the idea that one leader can unite what is really several different parties, is all as amusing as ever.

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