From the stage at the Nightingale, I announce the top ten in reverse order after the club's voting:

10th Russia, 40 points
9th Serbia, 43 points
8th Germany, 44 points
(No 7th)
= 6th Belarus and Slovenia, 47 points each
(No 5th)
= 4th Latvia and Spain, 57 points each
3rd Sweden, 61 points
2nd Greece, 91 points
1st United Kingdom, 120 points

There is a sense of inevitability about the winner, as I haven’t barred people from voting for the UK, specifically to see how popular Scooch would be if we give people the chance to vote for them. In fact, fourteen of the fifteen voters have given them points, more than any other country. The UK have received seven 12s and two 10s, but there are 1s, 2s, 3s and 5s as well. I say, “So the real winner is Greece. Enjoy the rest of the evening!” and scuttle off the stage.

People are watching the voting fairly attentively on several different screens around the room. I spend the rest of the voting moving around the room, watching it and seeing how people are reacting. It’s not that lively, simply because we aren’t getting any points and both the UK and Ireland have slipped to the bottom of the scoreboard from very early on. I go back on the mic to tell everyone that the UK will be the fortieth of the forty-two countries to give their points, so we’ll have to wait quite a while for the lovely Fearne Cotton.

I strike up a few conversations with people along the way and find myself explaining the Big 4 issue a couple of times; why people in other countries don’t have any reason to vote for those four countries as they’re already in next year’s final. I bump into a couple of friends and end up watching with them. As Ireland are about to give their votes, I say that if we don’t get any here, we might as well give up. There is a massive cheer as the seven points appear on the screen, but there is more excitement to come! As soon as the 12 points from Malta are revealed, there is just one thought on my mind; this is down to the Schlagerboys. Oh. My. God. Oh. My. God. Unfortunately, both of their numbers have dissappeared from my new phone (because they were in the phone memory of the old one, not the SIM card) or I would be phoning them in Helsinki right now! They must have realised. I wonder what they’re thinking? Oh my god, two friends of mine are national saviours! So I do the next best thing and text our mutual friend, Bryan, saying that the Schlagerboys “are responsible for the twelve from Malta – seriously!”

He replies, “Just said the same thing to [them]. They’re definitely on for another medal.”

So, what’s the reason for this jubilation? Well, the Schlagerboys had been relentlessly supporting Olivia Lewis’s Maltese entry on their website for weeks. This hadn’t gone unnoticed in Malta. They had also interviewed the songwriter and Olivia herself and addressed important issues such as what dress she should wear in the qualifier. Of course, they had also now met her in person in Helsinki. Earlier in the week, as I reported, I had popped round to see Schlagerboy A as he spent a couple of days back here and I had seen the box of promotional DVDs which Olivia’s people had sent them from Malta. He told me that they had been invited to appear on a Maltese TV programme called Xarabank on Friday, the day after the qualifier, as Olivia’s English fans. We contemplated how awful this would be if she failed to get through on Thursday night, and of course that’s what happened. She didn’t make it to the final. But the programme happened, and there are comments on the Schlagerboys' blog from Maltese people saying that they are national heroes, how Malta loves them and how Malta will surely give points to the UK on Saturday to thank them for their support. Lo and behold, we get the twelve! I am incredulous.

Now, in case you think this is just a fluke or coincidence, let’s remember that there are only 402,000 people in Malta, equivalent to 40% of Birmingham’s population. It’s not difficult to get a message out to the people in 24 hours. Malta takes Eurovision very seriously and Xarabank is apparently a very popular programme. On Friday, Malta was angry that the televote hadn’t delivered a place in the final for Olivia, and there was talk of boycotting the phone vote on Saturday night as a protest – a futile protest if you ask me, but it was being discussed. If the net result of that was that many people decided not to vote, and those who did decided to give a thank you vote to the Schlagerboys, then our twelve points were down to them. To be honest, I can’t think of any other explanation. Malta’s votes were so out of step with everyone else’s that it must be down to the boys. The BBC should be giving the Schlagerboys an official reception, for saving the nation from humiliation again. Boys, I am proud to call you my friends.

So, back in the club, much whooping and cheering. I can’t explain any of this to anyone as it would take too long, but for a while this becomes far more significant than who’s winning. After being really surprised that the UK 12 went to Turkey (for the first time ever), it’s all over and I look gleefully at the top three countries, Serbia, Ukraine and Russia, which were all amongst the five each way bets that I placed. I text Bryan again; “I’m in the money! Top three! Who cares about Latvia and Sweden?”

We don’t get to see the reprise, so I still have that joy to come. The club is pretty full by this point so the DJ starts the music – with a new mix of Scooch which the remixer has just delivered, of course. Then I suddenly have an idea. It hasn’t occurred to me beforehand, but I have the English dance mix of the Serbian winner on my PC at home. Damn! Why didn’t I bring it in? Then, remembering my taxi dash home and back earlier in the space of twenty minutes, I realise I have 45 minutes before I need to meet Katrina at the front door, so I tell the DJ how good the dance mix is and ask if I should go home and get it. He agrees, so I catch my fifth taxi of the evening, go home and burn three versions of the Serbian song onto a CD while I phone Mike and burble excitedly about the Schlagerboys. By amazing good fortune, the taxi driver who picks me up outside the club lives around the corner from me, so he pops home, and ten minutes later we’re on our way back to the club, where I deliver the CD to the DJ. I can’t wait to hear the reaction when it’s played and people realise they’re dancing to the Eurovision winner already, but despite all my efforts and me asking a couple of times later, he didn’t play it at all. What an opportunity missed. It really is a brilliant dance track, and it sounds ‘right’ in its English version too, not like a bad translation (although it’s nowhere near as depressing as the Serbian lyric).

Miss M and I then have to work out a strategy to get Katrina in through a fire exit when the taxi drops her off, which all works out fine. I (re)introduce myself and lead her and her partner to the dressing room. (We’ve chatted before, once in the dressing rooms at G-A-Y and once at the Retro bar, but these meetings were nine and two years ago respectively, so I hardly expect her to remember.)

Four of us chat until 1am and partake of her champagne. (No demands for Smarties with the red ones taken out. Champagne is her only rider request.) I take the backing track CD down to the DJ and explain which ones Katrina is doing. When I leave the room for Katrina to change, I cheekily ask if she’s putting the green shirt on and she tells me that it (the ‘winning shirt’ from Dublin 1997) is in the Belgian Eurovision museum. So now you know.

We all troop downstairs, Miss M introduces Katrina onto the stage to a rapturous reception and she sings four songs brilliantly, singing live and chatting about Eurovision in the middle. She ends with Love Shine A Light and Walking On Sunshine, of course. I take photos from the side of the stage and go a bit misty-eyed when I think ‘that thing we were watching tonight – she WON it! She’ll probably be our reigning champion for ever!’ The crowd love it, especially when Katrina dedicates a song to Scooch and says something unrepeatable about the voters of Europe(!)

Afterwards, we go back to the dressing room, where Miss M and I then engage in drinking and conversation with the other two and various visitors for what turns into nearly three hours, until 4.20am. The time just flies by. We’re having a real laugh. When they get up to go, Katrina says that would normally have disappeared earlier, but they were having a good time talking to us two, which is very kind of her. I shall treasure that. My new career: artist liaison. I can get drunk with the best of them!

And that, my dear reader, if you’ve lasted this far, is the story of Chig’s unusual Eurovision night this year. I got home about 5.15am, in my sixth taxi of the night, clutching my VCR and my newly autographed copy of the ten year old Love Shine A Light single. It had been a thoroughly enjoyable night, once my blood pressure had returned to normal about an hour in. I would do it again, but next year Belgrade beckons. I’m not missing being at Eurovision again! I hope your Eurovision night was a little more relaxed and just as much fun. Here’s to next year!

Labels: Eurovision 2007, Nightingale

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(Part one is below.)

I haven’t been able to take any notice of the opening act. Before the songs start, I speak to a guy standing near the bar, who I think I’ve met before. We establish it must have been at the Nightingale’s comedy night, over a year ago. Funny how some people stick in your mind, isn’t it? Probably because he’s lovely. Sunderland accent. I could speak to him all night. In fact, I often do, as he knows all the songs, so he is my reference point for the evening.

The opening song from Bosnia-Herzegovina passes me by completely. Must have been chatting. I hardly see anything of Spain. Just enough to drool a bit over Basty and think how sexy all of D’Nash look in white. The first one I actually stop faffing around for and watch properly is Belarus, which has people quite captivated by the whole act, wondering how those people are floating in the air. It does look brilliant on TV, but I cannot contemplate a Belarussian win. How can we go to the last dictatorship in Europe, where homosexuality isn’t tolerated? Shudder.

Next up is Ireland, and even in this club, with the booming sound, it’s obvious that this isn’t the performance we expected from Dervish. They were picked by RTE because they have years of live experience, continuing the move, which they initiated last year with Bryan Kennedy, away from talent show wannabes. How ironic and awful then, to hear the singer sounding nervous and out of tune. This is such a shock and a disappointment. The Irish blood running through my veins goes cold at this point and I am reminded how it can go horribly wrong for anyone.

I force people to concentrate when Slovenia comes on at song 7 and tell a certain DJ/producer before it starts that he should get his hands on this track. He agrees with me when he’s heard it. In fact, I won’t be surprised if an unofficial remix appears.

I’m chatting to people way too much and giving out scoresheets to late arrivals. I’ve already realised that I’ll have to watch this Eurovision another time. Tonight is not the night. Because we’ve moved downstairs to the main dancefloor, I seek an assurance from the duty manager that we are going to stick with this until the end, with the sound on for all of the voting. The whole reason we didn’t plan to be on the main floor is that ‘other’ people would be coming in, expecting the DJ to be on, from about nine. My worst fear is that this will end in vision only, watching votes flying in to a soundtrack of the Freemasons and Kylie. It’s okay though. The duty manager is telling everyone who wants dancing to go upstairs, where the DJ will be on from 10pm. He tells one group of young people that Eurovision is on and one of them says. ‘What’s Eurovision?’ He replies, ‘It’s been going for over fifty years. Surely you’ve heard of it.’ Blank looks all round.

London boy Sarbel looks to be shaking it okay for Greece, but by this time the sound is starting to be drowned out by the growing crowd, so I can’t tell if he’s in tune or not. (I understand now that it was a bit dodgy.) I’m so concerned I’ll forget about the Scooch-related goodies when the time comes that I decide to give them out earlier, rather than wait until the UK is on, so I don’t miss the performance. I spend most of Sopho and The Ark’s performances going round the club with a tray of lollies and little bags of peanuts, saying ‘Salty nuts sir?’ and ‘Something to suck on madam?’ to punters, to reactions varying from bemusement to people who totally get what I’m doing. (I didn’t explain to anyone.)

Goodness only knows what happens when France are on. I don’t remember seeing them, but Latvia sound superb and I begin mentally counting my money from my 25-1 each way bet. One of them’s very sexy as well, although it in no way makes up for the others.

I’m keen to see Russia, so I watch them quite attentively. I think the whole performance is superb, as is the lighting of the stage. Yay! More money. Roger Cicero next seems excellent as well, as I also watch the cute German bar boy for his reaction. He's too busy. Then I pop over to the bar and alert some lesbians to the fact that it’s Serbia next and they might want to watch the screens. I go back to watch another excellent performance from Marija. At the end, a bloke shouts over, ‘The lesbian vote is in – they said that was shit.’ Honestly, some people. I then remember what I wrote during the afternoon about UK people not getting Balkan ballads, but I smile to myself, think ‘you’re all wrong’ and think about PaddyPower again, which makes me feel all warm inside. Or is that the two glasses of champagne?

When Ukraine comes on, people are transfixed. Of course, I haven’t seen this before either, just photos and the video of the Ukrainian national final, and it seems much more obvious right now just how little song there is in this performance. By this point I am standing at the bar, because it’s funny to watch people’s reactions, but I am also singing along, perhaps a little too loudly, shouting ‘EIN, ZWEI, DREI’ and holding the appropriate number of fingers in the air on each note. Some people probably think I’ve gone mad, but I find the whole thing very entertaining, even the bit where Verka hobbles around in those boots and pinches the bum of one of her team.

Scooch next, so I’m paying attention again. As the intro plays, Wogan is still burbling on right up to the point where Russ does his spoken intro and I’m screaming, ‘He’s starting! Shut the fuck up! Oh my god, he even spoke over the UK’s vocals.’ There is much tutting going on in the club. The man’s an idiot. I can’t believe he’s still being allowed to ruin this show. From what I could hear, Scooch sounded good, and the whole routine is bright and colourful. I’m still wondering if we can get any points from anywhere, but they seem to have done their best. What more could we hope for?

I must have been chatting over Romania. Bulgaria was fantastic, as I kept insisting to people around me who thought it was awful, then Turkey, then the bog roll tree of Armenia. “We try to get the loo rolls out of the trees in Balsall Heath”, I quip to some nearby bloke. I miss Natalia from Moldova as I’m speaking to Miss M about what we’re going to do next. Did she show her crotch again? Natalia, I mean, not Miss M.

Miss M announces that people should give their scoresheets to me, so they do. I miss the whole interval act, as I’m standing behind the bar adding up the points. It’s easier than I’d feared though and I can do all 24 sums in my head as there are only seventeen scoresheets and two of them have to be ignored. It’s a higher percentage of spoilt papers than even a Scottish election, but one of them has votes for fifteen countries and one has fewer than the required ten. I’m vaguely aware that the interval act seems to be nothing but two run-throughs of the reprise, but I’m not looking. Was that it? Those shirtless Latvian boys whipping themselves with twigs in 2003 have never really been challenged as best interval ever, have they? (Please don’t say Riverdance, thank you kindly.)

The voting starts before I’ve finished doing the sums, but I keep one ear on it, knowing that it will go on for several weeks and Fearne Cotton won’t be giving the UK points until slot 40 of the 42. I notice that the points are going to the expected countries right from the start and I’m happy. I decide to go on the mic and announce the club’s top ten from the stage, before it all hots up. So I get the DJ to turn down the TV sound and I stand on the main stage and sing ‘This is my moment…’

No, I didn’t. I made up that bit. But as soon as the sound went down, I said to the assembled throng, which was quite a lot of people at this stage, that I would be quick and only announce the club’s top ten and they could still watch the Eurovision voting on the screens. Despite this, I sensed that my appearance was about as popular as a pig in a synagogue, so I rattled through the top ten really quickly.

And the Nightingale’s points went where?

I think it’s time for a break (and a day at work after eleven days off!)

Part three tonight.

Labels: Eurovision 2007, Nightingale

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Saturday night then. Blimey, it seems like a long time ago.

So, I taxi to the Nightingale for 18:00, complete with camera, scoresheets, salty nuts and lollipops. Miss Maxi’s there already, slumped against the outside wall, waiting for them to open up. It’s only the second time I’ve seen him in man drag. It’s a lovely evening. I'm excited.

We go upstairs and switch on the mixing desk and plasma screen. Test the mics, put more chairs out and wipe down the furniture as there’s still dust caused by the refurb which is still being finished downstairs. Have a word with the technical people. Put up the easel and flipchart that we’re going to use later to display the Nightingale’s Eurovision vote.

All fine so far, but after about twenty minutes, the picture on the screen starts scrolling and flickering horribly. This is the main one above the little stage. There’s a plasma screen working perfectly in a smaller corner, but that is coming from a different feed and apparently has no sound.

I know that, a week before, they hadn’t sorted out the TV, but I’d been in on Friday and been told it was all sorted, and indeed it was, until the picture started going funny. A group of techies and staff all appear and fiddle around with the Freeview box and the aerial, but no joy. From 19:00, people start coming in. Instead of greeting them, as planned, I ignore them and try not to give away that I am panicking inside. I think the words ‘No Signal’ which keep appearing on screen may be giving the game away though. Miss M misses most of this, as obviously she has a transformation to do backstage.

The manager, a friend of mine for fifteen years or more, had said to ring him in Gran Canaria if there were any problems, so I do. He suggests trying to view the TV through a VCR instead of the Freeview box. Good idea, but I ask the staff and there’s no VCR in the building. Why would there be? Can we just move the whole evening downstairs to the main dancefloor? No, because the electrics haven’t all been finished after the refurb. We can’t get any TV signal on the screens down there. Only one thing for it, so I check with the techies that a VCR would definitely work and run downstairs to call a taxi. I ignore the growing number of punters and phone Miss M backstage saying ‘Can you look after everybody?’ It’s 19:40 when I hop in the cab, heart pounding, to drive back to my house and grab my VCR. I’m fuming that we’re probably going to miss the beginning of Eurovision and the whole opening act. The Te Deum on CD, the funny routine I had worked out, the explanation of the scoresheets, everything we had planned has gone down the pan. Apart from that, we may have a riot on our hands if there’s no picture by 20:00. So, one very understanding taxi driver. One sprint into my house as the taxi driver turns the car around. One mad Chig, pulling all the leads out the back of the telly and plug sockets at home, while thinking, 'I just set this two hours ago to record the bloody show – what am I going to do now? Sprinting out of the house past neighbours in the avenue, with a VCR, trailing electrical leads behind me. Back in the taxi, apologising for looking like a burglar. Miraculously, back to the club at 19:56. I bound up the stairs, two at a time. Miss M looks serene behind the mixing desk. Only half a dozen punters, looking astonishingly calm. No sign of frazzled technicians. They’ve managed to move it downstairs after all. Some customers have followed. Others have no idea what’s going on. The techies are just checking it works. I run downstairs. BBC One is on the screens. Joseph has ended. We’re seconds away. Can we bring people down? Yes. Run back upstairs and Miss Maxi announces on the mic that we’re moving downstairs. Oh, and there’s nowhere to sit. People move. I grab the scoresheets and hide my VCR, which is now completely redundant and not even recording the show for me. Eurovision starts as I run down the stairs onto the dancefloor again. The punters are amazingly calm and nice. I try to be calm while explaining what’s happened to the ones who ask. They’re all very understanding but my heart is pounding and I’m sweating rather too much to appear cool.

Some people gather round one of the screens which doesn’t have any sound coming from it directly. The others lean on the bar and watch the big new video wall, where you can see a big picture, three times in fact, but broken up across six and nine screens. It’ll have to do. The bar staff perform miracles, setting up a bar which wasn’t supposed to be open, in the space of a few minutes. Eurovision has started, but thank god for long Eurovision intros and I’m also thinking ‘it’s only Bosnia’ if I miss the first song. I give out the scoresheets. Only a few people don’t want them. They’re generally well received (and I know my sheets are also being used at parties in Bristol, Buckinghamshire and Israel at the same time, which feels good). People tend to take one for each group, which makes my life much easier later on. One man says he can fill it in now if I like. I’m relieved. There are fans here! Then I shudder at the thought of how much worse it could have been with no picture on the TV.

After all that, it takes about an hour for my heart rate to return to normal and for me to feel relatively calm, aided by some champagne that someone has brought in. I’ve been almost off alcohol since September due to a liver problem, which may or may not have cleared up, but by this point I’m past caring. Because the TV sound is coming through a club’s PA system, we can hear the music okay, but hardly a word of what Wogan is saying. Result! I can’t think of a better way to watch Eurovision.

Part two tomorrow!

Labels: Eurovision 2007, Nightingale

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I just had a moment. One of those moments when you realise how much it means to a 'new' country to win Eurovision, for all that we dismiss it in the UK.

If you're not at least slightly moved by this, I'll be very surprised. It's Marija Šerifović's homecoming to Belgrade last night, where she is joined by 50,000 fans, most of whom seem to be singing along to 'Molitva'.



Courtesy of RTS, via ESC Today

Labels: Eurovision 2007, Marija Šerifović, Serbia

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Some clever person in Germany has taken out all of the points given by Eastern European countries in Saturday's Eurovision final, to see what the results would have been if it were only the West voting. You know, the West, the lovely Wogan's friends, the ones who know about music, the sensible ones who were running the damn Eurovision before Johnnyovski Foreignovic and the bloomin' Soviets and Yugos took it over. (Yes, yes, I know Finland won last year, but it's almost Siberia, isn't it?)

So, let's look at the REAL results, with all the points given by those dangerous and suspicious ex-Soviet Union and ex-Yugoslav countries removed. This'll show 'em.

How the Western countries actually voted:
Western result /(Real positions)/Western points/Country

01 (01) 128 Serbia
02 (02) 111 Ukraine
03 (04) 111 Turkey
04 (03) 84 Russia
05 (05) 80 Bulgaria
06 (09) 79 Hungary
07 (08) 76 Armenia
08 (07) 69 Greece
09 (13) 58 Romania
10 (11) 56 Bosnia-Herzegovina
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14 (19) 40 Germany
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17 (20) 27 Spain
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19 (23) 19 United Kingdom
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23 (22) 8 France
24 (24) 0 Ireland


What? That can't be right? The ten through to next year's final are almost the same? The winner's the same? And the second place? Oh no.

Hungary did even BETTER with the Western countries? Are you sure you've added that up right? I don't even like goulash.

The Big 4 countries are STILL all in the bottom half of the scoreboard? No, you've got this all wrong. They must have voted for each other, surely?

Ah, here it is, two of the Eastern countries that got through on Saturday would have failed. Hah! There you go! Sensible West. Belarus and Moldova wouldn't have made the top ten. They would have been replaced by...let's see...Romania and Bosnia-Herzegovina. Bugger. It looks like everyone liked the Eastern songs this year. This must be stopped. People must not vote for the songs they like! The world will end!

I'm off to join the BNP and find another target for my xenophobic rantings. How do we break this to Wogan?

Labels: Eurovision 2007

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Wow! Despite last night's equal 22nd place at Eurovision, Scooch have managed to re-enter the chart today at number 5. This is the highest chart placing for the UK entry since the woman I was chatting and drinking with for three hours earlier today made #3 in 1997. We're having a bit of a renaissance with our UK entries, it seems, in terms of sales.

Scooch's result last night, 22nd out of 24 songs, was exactly the same as Javine's in 2005, with just one point more than her eighteen, but they have outperformed her quite significantly chart-wise.

The Scooch single is a re-entry today because it charted for one week at #61 on 25 March, on downloads only, before the download versions (which include mixes not on the CD or DVD formats) were withdrawn from sale until this week. (Yes, they were withdrawn from sale. James Masterton's chart commentary last week, which implied otherwise, was wrong and I have told him.)

Leaving that technicality aside, this is really the first UK Eurovision song to enter in the top ten since Precious in 1999 (if they did enter at #6, which I think they did), so congratulations are due. Heaven knows, we need some silver lining to the big grey cloud hanging over the UK. It also means that Scooch have easily beaten the #8 chart peak of Daz Sampson last year in just one week, when he took three weeks to climb there.

Well done Scoochers!

Chart peaks of the most recent UK Eurovision entries:

05 Scooch - Flying The Flag (For You) - 2007
08 Daz Sampson - Teenage Life - 2006 (Entered at #13, rose to #12, then #8.)
18 Javine - Touch My Fire - 2005
13 James Fox - Hold Onto Our Love - 2004
15 Jemini - Cry Baby - 2003
13 Jessica Garlick - Come Back - 2002
32 Lindsay - No Dream Impossible - 2001
34 Nicki French - Don't Play That Song Again - 2000
06 Precious - Say It Again - 1999
15 Imaani - Where Are You? - 1998
03 Katrina & The Waves - Love Shine A Light - 1997
01 Gina G - Ooh Aah...Just A Little Bit - 1996

Labels: chart, Eurovision 2007, Scooch

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05:27 and I've just got in. Bloody hell. What a demanding night. Somewhere along the way, the best song won Eurovision. I won loads of money by betting on all three of the top three and the Schlagerboys plus a few people in Ireland rescued the UK from the total humiliation that we feared. My evening started off as a nightmare and has involved SIX taxi journeys this evening. I haven't really watched Eurovision, nor do I now have a copy to watch, despite setting my video earlier. All will be explained later. It got better, but I never imagined I would spend three hours drinking with our special guest after she had performed. And I'm supposed to be off the sauce.

That post mortem may be later than planned, but well done Serbia, you deserved it!

Labels: Eurovision 2007, final

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Sieben, sieben ai lu lu, sieben, sieben, ein zwei!
Sieben, sieben, ai lu lu, EIN, ZWEI, DREI!

It’s 16:00 and the Eurovision butterflies have kicked in already. I’m not even there, but I’m just anxious that everything goes to plan tonight at our Nightingale party. My 6’ 5” glamourous co-host Miss Maxi is trolling around the city centre for last-minute accessories at this very moment. It’s going to look like the little and large show, beauty and the beast, Marija Serifovic and her backing beauties. In short, a night of contrasts lies ahead.

Before I get completely carried away, it’s a sobering thought that today is missing Madeleine McCann’s 4th birthday and my heart goes out to her family, which is why I’ve put that picture on the left. It came from Myspace, who have set up a homepage for the appeal to find her. In the space of a few hours, it has attracted 140,000 friends. Let’s hope it works.

Sara Cox has just done a lovely interview with David Scooch from Helsinki, and played the Scooch single, possibly for the first time on Radio 1. The single is hovering around number 10 or 11 in the midweeks, meaning that it will probably chart tomorrow around #13, as our Eurovision song has an eery habit of doing in recent years. More on this tomorrow.

Yesterday, I read a lot of nonsense about Thursday night’s results. Let me say, here and now, that I have no problem whatsoever with any of the songs that got through to the final. There’s no conspiracy, no block voting. Individuals cannot organise themselves to vote en masse. The Eastern countries had the better songs and the better draws in the running order (with none after the breaks). All of the dodgy vocals came from Western countries; Denmark and Andorra (both flat) , Switzerland (out of breath because of the dancing) and Belgium (almost painful at times, but recovered a bit). Plenty of Eastern countries failed as well. Some people seem to have forgotten that. We’ll probably see, when the results are revealed tonight, that some countries got through with Western votes, not despite them. Enough moaning, The people have spoken and Eurovision doesn’t need to be reorganised. The West just needs to get its act together and submit better songs.

On a separate matter, please don’t assume that because any act, including the UK’s, says they can win, that they really believe it. They have to say it, for the folk at home. It’s just PR.

No matter how well Serbia do tonight, even if Wee Jimmy Krankie and the Lipstick Lesbians win for them, I bet they won’t get any UK points. The UK public just doesn’t get Balkan ballads. The irony is that Wogan’s Radio 2 listeners would love the song if they heard it a few times on the radio (and Marija has already recorded a fabulous dance version in English, called Destiny). Sadly, they won’t get the chance

The UK will have an enormous part to play in the tension of the final result if it’s close. Fearne Cotton will be giving our votes and we’re the 40th of the 42 countries to do so. Let’s hope it’s a nailbiter, but if Serbia is ahead with two sets of votes to go, they should have it in the bag, because the penultimate country to vote is FYR Macedonia (with Hungary last).

My prediction for the UK televote:

12 to Latvia
10 to Ukraine
8 to Ireland
7 to Greece (British lad)
6 to Sweden

That should be our top five. It’s the order I’m not so sure about.

My prediction for the top:

1st Ukraine
2nd Latvia
3rd Serbia

My prediction for the UK’s position: 18th – 20th, if we’re lucky.

Remember that, in the 41 other countries, most people know that France, Spain, Germany and the UK will be in next year’s final automatically. (Their commentators remind them during the show, just in case they didn’t know already.) This has two effects. It causes resentment, so people are already predisposed to dislike our entry and not vote for it. It also has a financial effect. If you live in a poorer country (and we’re the fifth biggest economy in the world, so that’s everybody else), you’re not going to waste money on a televote for a country that doesn’t need your vote. If you’re an Armenian factory worker who likes, for example, the German and the Georgian songs, you’ll spend money voting for Georgia, not Germany, because Georgia needs the assistance. Forget about ‘political voting’. This is practical voting. Unless the Big 4 countries submit themselves to the possibility of relegation, they will always underperform on the scoreboard. That will never happen, so we’re stuck as we are. Let’s just get used to it and agree to entertain the masses, as that’s what Scooch will do later.

No country deserves to win and host Eurovision more than Slovenia. Their national final lasts for three days, they produce well packaged compilation albums of all the songs and they take their music really seriously. Even though I haven’t bet on them, I will be ecstatic if Alenka wins, and she may. Message to Samo, who reads this: I will be coming to Ljubljana if she does it. It will be good to meet you again!

Right, that’s it. I have to be at the Nightingale for about 18:00 to set up. Katrina’s not arriving until 00:30 and performing at about 01:00. It’s going to be a long day! Have fun, mes amis, whatever you’re doing and we’ll be back for the post mortem tomorrow.

Labels: Eurovision 2007, final

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Nearly six weeks ago, I spent a sunny Sunday indoors when I could have gone out to play, writing a preview of Eurovision for a well-known magazine, as I have done before. It was all done, proofed by a handful of friends who I knew were in that day, improved and amended and submitted the next day.

When the magazine plopped through my letterbox, I searched in vain for the article. Something else that I wrote and photographed has gone in, but unless I've missed it, the Eurovision article isn't there. I'm still waiting for a reply to my e-mail asking why. I'll be buggered if it's going to waste completely, so let's publish it here instead, complete with the two alternative titles. Enjoy.

Eurovision – enjoy the ride

or

It’s Eurovision time! Your exits are here, here and here

It might require a little more concentration than usual to follow Eurovision this year. Firstly, there are a record-breaking 42 countries in the two shows, as we welcome debutants Georgia and the Czech Republic into the qualifier and the prodigal Austro-Hungarian empire returns after both countries had a strop last year. Serbia and Montenegro arrive in Helsinki separately, after their tetchy 2006 divorce, increasing the number of former Yugoslav countries to a useful six (with two of them sending singers called Marija, just to confuse people). All 42 of these countries will be giving their votes in full at this year’s final, as last year’s experiment, where only the top three countries were announced by each spokesperson, has been abandoned. You may like to go out clubbing after the songs. The voting will probably still be on when you get back.

Secondly, there’s the potential language confusion. The Latvian entry is in Italian and the Belgian entry is in English – the first time the French-speaking Belgian broadcaster has done this. Even the French entry is in Franglais. Not to worry though, there is a song in French – it’s the Cypriot entry. Got all that? Good. The Norwegian song has a Spanish title, the Spanish song has a Spanglish title, the Ukrainian entry includes bits in German and Mongolian, while the Romanian song has more languages in it than we can count, in a shameless attempt to connect with populations all over Europe (much like the UK entry’s listing of European cities).

Ah yes, the UK entry, by Cyndi. Sorry, by Scooch. Following the lead set by Slovenian dragsters Sestre in Eurovision 2002, Scooch are dressing up as trolley dollies to sing ‘Flying The Flag (For You)’. It’s the smuttiest, most innuendo-laden song that Eurovision has ever seen, from any country, but we get away with it by calling it ‘traditional British postcard humour’. Would you like something to suck on for landing sir?

So what if our song doesn’t have much in the way of verses? It’s choruses we need and choruses we have. You can’t accuse the UK of not sending entertainment to Eurovision, with this and Daz Sampson’s classroom rap last year, and we might as well, because we don’t stand a chance of winning, so we should aim to entertain. The last three years have shown that the good people of Europe cannot be persuaded to spend their hard-earned cash on voting for the Big 4 countries (France, Germany, Spain and the UK), when they already have a place guaranteed in the next year’s final, so they cast their televotes for a country that needs the points instead.

All that Scooch’s song needs to add is a key change, which is sadly lacking in the original version. It’s obvious where the key change should go, so let’s hope they sort it out. Finnish television has also warned participating countries that the ‘runway’ part of the set in Helsinki is only for the presenters and the interval act, which is going to make Scooch’s line, ‘Your exits are here, here and here’, slightly less effective, unless they stage an act of rebellion on the night.

There’s more variety than ever in Eurovision this year, with German swing, proper Finnish rock (not the pantomime rock that won for them last year), Slovenian and Latvian popera, a homage to Pink from Estonia, grizzly rock from the Czech Republic and Iceland and some strong pop from Moldova, Belarus, Turkey and Greece (whose Sarbel is also this year’s top hunk – and he’s British!) Serbia provides the best of the big ballads, again. Georgia’s début, if singer Sopho repeats her performance from the Georgian national final, should display the biggest ‘performing dress’ we’ve ever seen. Who could ask for more?

Labels: Eurovision 2007, GT, preview

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I placed bets on the ten songs that I predicted to get through yesterday. It was only for fun, as the financial rewards are practically nil when more than one in three songs will succeed.

I only put one pound each on eight of them, plus two pounds on Belgium, as the odds were longer. (They failed, which was why.) I did put a fiver on Latvia though, so this has bumped up my winnings somewhat. Well, I say somewhat, as my total return on fifteen pounds has been £16.75, making a grand profit of £1.75. I will try not to spend it all at once.

Tomorrow night is where the big money comes into play. I've done the following five bets, all five pounds each way. Only the top 4 pay out, so one will definitely lose, but I decided it was worth the risk. I'm pretty convinced I have the top three amongst these.

Serbia 6-1 (Was 6-1 joint favourite with Sweden and Switzerland a week ago. Now second favourite, between 7-2 and 5-1.)

Sweden 6-1 (Was 6-1 joint favourite a week ago. Has now drifted out to sixth favourite at an average 10-1.)

Ukraine 11-1 (Now favourite across the board, as low as 3-1 on PremierBet.)

Russia 12-1 (Currently fourth favourite, between 5-1 and 10-1.)

Latvia 25-1 (Currently 4-1 second favourite on PaddyPower. Was about 33-1 or 40-1 with all bookies yesterday. I'm tempted to say "the fools!", but we'll wait and see.)

Lots of Eurovision odds here. The UK is currently favourite...to finish last.

Labels: betting, Eurovision 2007

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The woman I'm 'looking after' tomorrow night is on TV later today, to talk about Eurovision tomorrow (and possibly last night). Katrina is due on five news, which I think must be the 17:30 show. If she was on five's lunchtime news, I missed it and I apologise for this meaningless post.

UPDATE: She was on at 17:30, but it was a 'blink and you'll miss it' pre-recorded sentence or two. The standard of journalism on the five news piece, about Eurovision tomorrow, was pathetic. They trotted out the same tired old clichés, instead of trying to inform. It made me very angry.

Labels: Eurovision 2007, five, Katrina

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Here is the scoresheet I've designed for tomorrow night's Eurovision final.

I have now added the ten flags, qualifying songs and performers from last night. Please feel free to download it here.

Please let me know if have any problems downloading it, or if you notice any mistakes, or if there are any improvements you can suggest. If you are having a party and you use it, please let me know how you get on. It would be good to have some feedback.

For those of you who are coming to the Nightingale for Eurovision and Katrina, you'll be seeing this tomorrow, along with lots of salty nuts and some things to suck on before landing. (Lollipops!) I now have two spare bags of Maltesers mini-packs, bought on the assumption that Malta would get through last night. I guess I'll just have to eat them. The prize we have has come from Olivia Lewis as well, direct from Finland this week. Damn you, Europe!

UPDATE: I've printed 60 colour copies of this today, so if there are any errors, it's too late. The nightmare will be the adding up! Thank goodness alcohol and I aren't mixing at the moment.

Labels: Eurovision 2007, final, scoresheet

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The ten countries which qualified last night for the Eurovision final:

(Apologies to Serbia and Montenegro, which haven't been separated by World66.com, which I used to produce this map.)




Sixteen of the eighteen countries which didn't make it:
(Israel and Montenegro not shown.)





The 24 finalists:

Adding the 14 already in the final to last night's ten qualifiers, you can clearly see the East-West split, can't you? Let battle commence!



Create your personalised map of Europe

Labels: divide, Eurovision 2007, qualifier

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Ten countries through. Six of them correctly predicted by me yesterday (increasing to seven tonight after watching the performances - I have proof in writing). Seven of the ones I wanted to get through (see yesterday's list below) made it. This always happens. I should always go with my heart and use my wishes as my predictions!

Not one country from what we might call 'Western Europe' is through, with apologies to Slovenia. Not one country through tonight was in Eurovision in the 1950s or 1960s; the one with the longest Eurovision history is Turkey, who first entered in 1975.

The full ten qualifiers, in the position they've been randomly allocated in Saturday's final are;

03 Belarus

06 FYR Macedonia
07 Slovenia
08 Hungary

11 Georgia

14 Latvia

17 Serbia

21 Bulgaria
22 Turkey

24 Moldova

My prediction success appears to have stalled at six. Since the qualifying round was introduced, I started with seven correct in 2004, peaked at eight in 2005 and bottomed out at six last year and tonight.

I'm not shocked by any individual song that got through tonight, except perhaps Georgia, but by the geographical shift. Slovenia was the most Western country to get through, and out of the ten, only Turkey was in Eurovision before the Berlin wall fell. Shocker. Not one of Jacques Chirac's Old Europe made it through. Only four of the ten qualifiers are in the EU, and they're all former Eastern bloc countries; Bulgaria, Hungary, Latvia and Slovenia.

All of this can only help Scooch (he said, optimistically). The only songs approaching 'pop' to get through were Belarus and Turkey. Well done to Slovenia and Belarus for getting through after failing in all three previous qualifiers, but I'm absolutely gutted about Andorra (four tries and still no final) and Malta. Poor, poor Olivia.

It's worth noting that, after both of the commercial breaks, the next three songs all failed to get through, strengthening the conventional wisdom that people go away in the break and don't come back in time. In fact, the first FIVE songs after the first break failed to qualify. There was only one Eastern country in those six songs which failed to qualify in the first three after the ad breaks, but that was Albania, which was rubbish, so wouldn't really have figured anyway.

The Netherlands, as expected, suffered from the ad break again. It's apparently the third time they have been drawn immediately after a break, which is rotten luck. Edsilia gave a superb performance of a not brilliant song, and will go no further.

It was pleasing to see that the qualifying songs were dotted right through tonight's running order, with the songs performed first and last both getting through. There were four from the first third, two from the second third and another four from the final third.

On the plus side, the TV presentation was superb, wasn't it? The stage, lighting, backdrop and the TV sound were all excellent. Even the Finnish hosts were good. There was no Te Deum at the beginning or end of the show though, so it didn't feel like a proper Eurovision show. Also, Paddy and Sarah on BBC Three didn't read out our e-mails. I shall have words!

PS. It looks like Haloscan is down, so I don't think you can leave comments at the time of writing this (23:55). I certainly can't access them to read them. Curses.

Labels: Eurovision 2007, qualifier

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Look out for a very special visitor at Eurovision either tonight or tomorrow. It hasn't been revealed, but we have deduced that Finland's most famous resident may be putting in an unseasonal appearance. If you have kids, you'll have some explaining to do...

Labels: Eurovision 2007

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And I'm glad someone else believes Latvia can win too. I currently think it's between Ukraine and Latvia on Saturday, depending on Latvia's draw (and assuming they get through tonight), with Serbia coming close again. The bookies now have Ukraine as clear favourite, with some odds as low as 4-1, while Belarus are now up into second and Serbia down to third. Sweden and Switzerland are next in the betting, followed, rather pleasingly, by Bulgaria in sixth. (A week ago, Serbia, Sweden and Switzerland were all joint favourites at 6-1.) Latvia seems like an excellent each way bet to me (for a top 4 placing). I got them at 25-1, but they are available at 40-1 with some bookies - and as low as 16-1 with one other. Please don't waste money on my advice though. Other gambling activities are available.

My Midlands chums Dean and Gerry appear in this with 1:33 left. I'll be quite happy for Sweden to win again if the bloke at 1:42 left is going to be there. Cute!

WARNING: Don't watch this if it annoys you when people refer to Ukraine as 'the Ukraine'.

Labels: ESCtoday, Eurovision 2007, predictions

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The online version anyway. Thank you Anna, that's jolly nice of you. I'm not sure I can live up to expectations this year, but crumbs, I'm blushing now.

Oh crikey, as Anna mentions in the article, she mentioned us last week as well. I didn't know. Thanks again.

Labels: Eurovision 2007, Guardian

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For tonight, you'll have to make do with the BBC's version of a scoresheet, downloadable here.

However, for Saturday's final, I have already done a much better one (if I say so myself). It has the song numbers on it for a start, which you'll need in order to televote. Silly BBC. It also has all the flags and mini photos of all the artists. The only person who's seen it so far said "Wow!", so there you go. I've designed it for the Nightingale on Saturday, but I'll make it downloadable from here tomorrow, as soon as I've filled in the gaps with tonight's ten qualiifiers. I'm nice like that.

Have fun tonight if you're watching. This will be the first time I've seen the qualifier on TV. I've been in the hall for the last three and never bothered to watch them afterwards. I'm looking forward to the novel concept of casting a vote, and it will be going to Olivia Lewis from Malta, whatever happens. Bless her little cotton socks.

Labels: Eurovision 2007, qualifier

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1997: Two days before the Eurovision final, the United Kingdom changes its Prime Minister. Europe responds by voting the UK to a resounding Eurovision win.

2007: Two days before the Eurovision final, later today, the United Kingdom's Prime Minister will announce a change of Prime Minister. Tony Blair met Scooch backstage at Loose Women last week and had his photo taken with them. It's obvious that Downing Street is saving these photos for Blair's announcement today. He's doing it for Scooch! It's a sign! It's a sign!

And relax.

Labels: Eurovision 2007, Scooch

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Predictions

I'm glad I held back until after reading the reports of today's two, public rehearsals. (All Kinds Of Everything and Nick's OnEurope report, which made me laugh out loud at least three times. He's commenting live, first on the postcards between the songs, then on the performances.)

I have therefore been forced to put Belgium into the ten qualifiers. I think it's boring, and I have told my Belgian friend this several times too often in the past ew weeks, again yesterday at his birthday party and again today at the cinema. However, not only is Belgium's show reported to be 'big in the hall', but my parents, quite independently, have picked the song as a favourite from the CD which I forced them to play. Gadzooks! Are the Krazy Mess Groovers the new Tanel & Dave stroke Olsen Brothers?

Cue the Te Deum! Here are my ten predicted qualifiers. It's been very, very hard to decide and I reserve the right to change my mind tomorrow. (Figures in brackets are the position in the running order.)

UPDATE on Friday 11/05/07:
The countries which qualified are now in bold. I predicted six correctly here and seven after watching the live show, as I put Hungary and Bulgaria in (both correctly) and took Belgium out. Unfortunately, I took FYR Macedonia out as well.

1st (15) Serbia
2nd (28) Latvia
3rd (21) Andorra
4th (26) Turkey
5th (04) Belarus
6th (25) Slovenia
7th (20) Malta
8th (08) Switzerland
9th (24) Belgium
10th (18) FYR Macedonia
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11th (22) Hungary
12th (03) Cyprus
13th (14) Poland
14th (01) Bulgaria
15th (12) Denmark
16th (09) Moldova
17th (10) Netherlands
18th (02) Israel
19th (05) Iceland
20th (17) Portugal
21st (06) Georgia
22nd (19) Norway
23rd (07) Montenegro
24th (16) Czech Republic
25th (11) Albania
26th (13) Croatia
27th (27) Austria
28th (23) Estonia

Labels: Eurovision 2007, predictions, qualifier

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