World of Chig   

14.5.07 stick that in your pipe and smoke it!

Some clever person in Germany has taken out all of the points given by Eastern European countries in Saturday's Eurovision final, to see what the results would have been if it were only the West voting. You know, the West, the lovely Wogan's friends, the ones who know about music, the sensible ones who were running the damn Eurovision before Johnnyovski Foreignovic and the bloomin' Soviets and Yugos took it over. (Yes, yes, I know Finland won last year, but it's almost Siberia, isn't it?)

So, let's look at the REAL results, with all the points given by those dangerous and suspicious ex-Soviet Union and ex-Yugoslav countries removed. This'll show 'em.

How the Western countries actually voted:
Western result /(Real positions)/Western points/Country

01 (01) 128 Serbia
02 (02) 111 Ukraine
03 (04) 111 Turkey
04 (03) 84 Russia
05 (05) 80 Bulgaria
06 (09) 79 Hungary
07 (08) 76 Armenia
08 (07) 69 Greece
09 (13) 58 Romania
10 (11) 56 Bosnia-Herzegovina
14 (19) 40 Germany
17 (20) 27 Spain
19 (23) 19 United Kingdom
23 (22) 8 France
24 (24) 0 Ireland

What? That can't be right? The ten through to next year's final are almost the same? The winner's the same? And the second place? Oh no.

Hungary did even BETTER with the Western countries? Are you sure you've added that up right? I don't even like goulash.

The Big 4 countries are STILL all in the bottom half of the scoreboard? No, you've got this all wrong. They must have voted for each other, surely?

Ah, here it is, two of the Eastern countries that got through on Saturday would have failed. Hah! There you go! Sensible West. Belarus and Moldova wouldn't have made the top ten. They would have been replaced by...let's see...Romania and Bosnia-Herzegovina. Bugger. It looks like everyone liked the Eastern songs this year. This must be stopped. People must not vote for the songs they like! The world will end!

I'm off to join the BNP and find another target for my xenophobic rantings. How do we break this to Wogan?


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