I have just uploaded my first ever video to YouTube. Here it is. Massive thanks are due to the Schlagerboys for sending me this clip from Eurovision - Your Decision and also the screengrabs from it, posted yesterday.

I hadn't realised at the time that I could be heard as well as seen. Also, I find it rather amusing that I wrote on here (and said to people on Saturday) that I didn't want Michelle Gayle to win, because I didn't want a song called 'Woo' to represent our country. The woo word must have been on my mind when the camera turned up!

Labels: BBC, Chig, Claudia Winkleman, Eurovision-Your Decision

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It only took six years to get on camera. Six years! Enjoy. I did!

Labels: BBC, Chig, Claudia Winkleman, Eurovision-Your Decision

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To the tune of Helena Paparizou's 'My Number One'

(With apologies to all of today's contestants and just about every lyricist who ever existed.)


Eurovision
Your Decision
We're choosing our song and it's on television.

We have six songs
It's not too long
If we have more our audience will all be gone

Say you'll watch it
Hope it's not shit
And someone will end up with a top thirteen hit

As we're Big 4
Don't expect more
Europe won't pay to leave more points at our front door

CHORUS:
Who's number one?
We're not number one.
We used to be but then it all went wrong.
Who's number one?
With their Irish songs?
But with wooden spoons, they have replaced their gongs.

Revelations
They're sensations
But will they be chosen to sing for our nation?

(Violin scraping - the bottom of a barrel)

Here comes Michelle
Will she do well?
If she keeps her eyes shut she'll have no chance in hell.

He's X Factor
Drove a tractor
But it was a bin van which don't rhyme with `factor'

Who are LoveShy?
It's quite CLEA why
They'll have hunks on stage which might just see them get by.

Then Simona
She's a loner
Had to be `cause Lord Lloyd-Webber didn't phone her.

CHORUS:
Who's number one?
We're not number one.
We used to be but then it all went wrong.
Who's number one?
With their turkey songs?
But with wooden spoons, they have replaced their gongs.

Then there's our Rob
Carried a hod.
Not a Joseph but he can just be a sex god.

(Violins scraping again)

CHORUS:
Who's number one?
We're not number one.
We used to be but then it all went wrong.
Who's number one?
With their puppet songs?
But with wooden spoons, they have replaced their gongs.

Desperation
Grips our nation
Who will be our next 23rd place sensation?

Hey!

(c) Chig 2008

*Not.

Labels: Eurovision-Your Decision, lyric

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Jonathan Ross tonight, on this week's earthquake:

"We don’t really do natural disasters very well in this country, but then we are about to pick our Eurovision entry..."

And will you be involved in the process tomorrow, Mr Ross?

Labels: BBC, earthquake, Eurovision-Your Decision, Jonathan Ross

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Well, possibly. Keep an eye on the studio audience on Saturday for both shows of our Eurovision - Your Decision televisual offering. We'll be there. The audience will be standing this time around, for the first time in a few years. We've been told we may have to dance. I barely have the energy to stand up these days, so I may be the one sprawled out on the floor before the end.

It will be interesting to see if the panel's choices prove unpopular in the studio, or if they will base their decisions on the crowd's reactions, or just do their own thing.

Tomorrow's shows are on BBC One at 19:00 and 21:30. (There's a ninety minute gap.) Katrina sans Waves will be performing in part two. Enjoy!

Labels: BBC, Eurovision-Your Decision

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"Dramatic energetic disco with a heavy bass. Double chorus sections, spoken seductive part by Marina, and of course a key change. Madonna meets Boney M meets Abba at their darkest. Fireworks, elevators, bombs. And Marina on a long bright red couch, from which she will never move one bit, except when she mumbles or plays the synthesizer solo. 100% show, 100% drama."

Doesn't that just sound like the most fantabulous Eurovision entry ever? Whoopee! Sadly, it's the BWO song, 'Lay Your Love On Me' in tomorrow's Melodifestivalen heat in Sweden, not one of ours, as described by the band's loveable lunatic Alexander Bard to the Schlagerboys. It's my favourite song of the year and I haven't even heard it yet.

Fear not though, the UK's songs for Eurovision have been revealed today to a salivating public on the new, super-duper BBC Eurovision website. (If you thought you'd seen it earlier in the week, look again and blink. That was just the warm-up act. Today's version is the proper one.)


The clips on the BBC website are only 30 seconds long, but the full versions are available in all the usual places. In all honesty, the clips are quite misleading and don't give enough of an impression to make any proper judgements.

Luckily for you, I've played the full versions in order to have an opinion to share with you. Unluckily for you, I've played them in heavy rotation and lost all objectivity, forgetting to make any comments on them after just one hearing, which is how they will be judged next Saturday and how one of them will be judged in Beograd (if there's any of the city left by May).

All the songs are good. There's no turkey. (That's Ireland tomorrow.) But none of them are brilliant. This bodes extremely well for the TV show, because I haven't a clue what's going to win now, but there's nothing here which will hoover up points in Serbia.

Andy Abraham and The Revelations both have really strong songs, when taken out of the Eurovision context, but that's where they're best. I just can't envisage either of them on a Eurovision stage. But I can imagine The Revelations representing us, about 25 years ago. As a catchy Motown pastiche, their song is fabulous, and I'm enjoying it over and over again, but it's not what we should be sending to Eurovision. Andy's is funky and catchy, but this type of song would just sink without trace in Beograd, sad to say.

Rob McVeigh's power ballad is good, but it just doesn't achieve its full potential. It promises to go somewhere, then backs down again, then has a sort of fireworks moment, but it's more of a sparkler than a Roman candle. It needs a bit more punch, but that could easily be done before May, if he manages to scrape through next week. Rob should definitely wear his shirt open like this though. That will help.

Michelle Gayle's song, already with the disadvantage of the stupid title Woo (U Make Me), gets off to a very sudden start and reaches the chorus in record time, but the chorus is a load of nonsense. This is the kind of song that only exists in Eurovision preselections, in the same vein as Liz McAtomicKitten's effort last year, which also had a daft title with brackets in, namely (Don't It Make You) Happy! Michelle's song would never be played on the radio in this country and would never be a hit (except it if were to win this, but I don't think it will).

Simona's song is the weakest of the lot and I don't like her voice. It's rather screechy on this. Listen to the recording and it sounds like a high risk song for a live performance. It's not a song I expected from a former Maria contestant, which is brave of her, but if the judges put this through to the televote and not Rob's song, there will be rioting in the studio.

Which leaves LoveShy. Welcome to Serbia, Aimee and Emma. I think this is strong enough to do it, if the live vocals can cut the mustard with the beefy backing track. To be honest, the production on this recorded version sounds a bit muddy and muffled, but I think it may sound clearer on stage. They have also promised to have at least one 'Mr Gorgeous' on stage with them, which may just swing it. I intend to find out in the next few days if any of them will be familiar faces.

So, there we go. My prediction, having heard the songs, is exactly the same final (LoveShy vs. Rob) as I predicted two days ago before hearing more than a snippet of all of them. How odd, or strangely prescient, depending on your point of view.

Now, what will it take to get BWO (right) to represent us next year? (Failure in Sweden is probably the realistic answer to that question. Now I don't know whether or not to support them in the Melodifestivalen. Oh, life is full of dilemmas.)

Labels: BWO, Eurovision-Your Decision, Melodifestivalen, predictions

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The first complete song from the UK's selection is available. 'It's You' by The Revelations is on their MySpace page. It's a shame we were spoilt by 'If I Called You On The Telephone', because inevitably this isn't as good. It's certainly catchy, but with a very formulaic sixties sound. You've heard the style before, so it makes you think you've heard the song before. Then again, in Eurovision terms, maybe that's no bad thing. (One of them , or someone pretending to be one of them, has responded to a MySpace message I sent them this evening, so they have shot up in my estimation. I'm easily pleased.)

Dustin The Turkey's song has also been revealed today on Irish radio. Brace yourselves, it ain't subtle and it ain't pretty. You can hear it and download a radio rip here. You hace to feel sorry for the five other artists who are battling against this on Saturday in Limerick, particularly Donal Skehan, who (a) seems to be a cutie pie with a genuine interest in the contest (nudge, nudge) and (b) has a rather catchy slice of Europop with 'Doublecross My Heart', available to hear and download here..

Dustin's song, 'Irlande, Douze Points' includes possibly the longest list of other countries' names ever contained in a Eurovision song. At least the intention is blatantly open with this one. It also contains the following gems within its sophisticated lyric:

"Drag acts and bad acts and Terry Wogan's wig,
Mad acts and sad acts,
It was Johnny Logan's gig."

"Eastern Europe, we love you,
Do you like Irish stew,
Or goulash, as it is to you?"

Everyone I know (except one), including me, had the rejection e-mail today from the company organising the audience for Eurovision - Your Decision, so it looks like I'll be watching it round at Schlager Towers with the Schlagerboys.

Labels: Dustin The Turkey, Eurovision-Your Decision, Ireland, The Revelations, UK

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The first striking thing about the acts in Eurovision – Your Decision is that five of the six acts have already failed to win in televised singing competitions, so it’s easy for people to scream ‘talent show losers’ but this is a pretty good selection, talent-wise. Michelle Gayle can definitely sing; I’ve heard her. She was a bona fide popstar before Autotune was invented and she has done stints in the West End as well. Everyone knows Andy Abraham can sing, and people forget that he very nearly won the X Factor, only losing the first final to Shayne Ward by one percent of a huge vote.

Rob McVeigh and Simona Armstrong were both good on the Joseph and Maria shows and both girls in LoveShy made the last ten in Popstars: The Rivals. They’ve been flogging the clubs and Pride circuit, with some overseas success too, for five years, so they’ve probably even improved in the vocal department.

The act which doesn’t have a TV pedigree is The Revelations, who look very interesting indeed, partly because one of them is Swedish, which always helps in Eurovision-related matters. They are also signed by Alan McGee, who propelled oasis to fame and fortune. Reading this brief interview with them inspires confidence, I must say. They sound like people who take singing seriously and their single from last year, If I Called You On The Telephone, is a corker (even if it had passed me by until yesterday). (See video below.)

The second big change is that there is no novelty song this year. Daz Sampson and Scooch undoubtedly had the most visual, if not gimmicky, songs of the last two years, whatever you think of their musical merits (and I was quite happy with both choices, more so with Daz, partly because I felt sorry for Cyndi last year).

There’s a clear statement here though from the BBC’s new production team. If you don’t let the public vote for a jokey song, they can’t choose one. For those who feel that we haven’t been taking Eurovision seriously enough recently (a view from which I distance myself slightly), step one of the resuscitation mission is achieved already. We can leave the joke entry to Ireland this year. And Estonia. (Ireland’s might be funny. Estonia’s is just awful.)

The new producer, Helen Tumbridge, is highly regarded by people who’ve been involved with previous BBC Eurovision coverage and those involved now, it seems. She was part of the team in the year (2002?) when there was lots of extra coverage on BBC Three (previews, discussions on Liquid Eurovision etc.), when it looked like the BBC was making an extra effort, then Christopher Price died in 2002 and it all fell away again.

Change number three is massive. In a complete turnaround from the current trend in TV to have viewers televoting on everything, in this show the public will have no choice at all who goes through in each of the three pairings. It’ll be down to the ‘celebrity panel’ of three, one of whom will be Wogan himself, in a dramatic change of role. If the other two judges disagree, Wogan will decide which act goes through to the public vote. One of the losers will be given a secons chance by the panel as well. Again, Wogan could have the casting vote on a split decision. In theory, he could decide which four songs go through to the public vote, in a set-up which pokes democracy firmly in the eye. But then, we’ll still have a choice of four, and still have two stages of televoting to get through, so does it really matter. Fans certainly don’t seem bothered, as there’s a general feeling in the air (on fansite fora) that the public can’t be trusted anyway!

So, the contenders. I am not going to go into great detail about each artist, because you can read their biogs on the official Eurovision – Your Decision website, which exists already and will be having a facelift on Friday.

Instead, I’ll just add a few thoughts and some details about the songwriters, courtesy of my friend Marcus, who has been doing some expert googling, so I though his efforts deserved a little more publicity. It's not every day we have a member of the royal family guesting on here, so thank you Marcus.


Michelle Gayle – Woo (You Make Me)

Apparently, there’s a ‘cool sixties vibe’ about this and we know Michelle can sing, but do you know what puts me off this song? It’s the bloomin’ title. I’m sorry, but I just can’t face us, as a country, turning up in Belgrade with a song called ‘Woo’. All attempts to be seen taking it more seriously this year will spiral down the plughole. So, sorry, but no.

Unfortunately, the BBC press release gets a little carried away with its bit on Michelle, describing her as a "chart-topping songstress". If you can tell us what charts she has topped, there may be a prize. It must have been in another country. They also say she has had "a string of Top 10 hits". Does TWO really count as a string? They mention a song called 'Things Are Looking Up' as being one of these top 10 hits. It was actually called 'Looking Up' and made the top ten position of....number 11. Oops! These mistakes have been slavishly repeated on ESC Today (whose ‘news’ story is just a reprint of the press release – so much for journalism). They are about to be removed from the official website…

Don't get me wrong about Michelle Gayle. She's fabulous and I know she can really sing. 'Sweetness' is a '90s pop classic, but her record speaks for itself; she doesn't need lies and exaggeration to back it up.

Morten Schjolin, the Dane who is one of Michelle’s co-writers on this, also wrote Brian Kennedy's Irish entry in 2006 which finished tenth in the Eurovision final. (We’ll gloss over the fact that he also co-wrote Scooch's song last year.)


Andy Abraham – Even If

This sounds upbeat and catchy. I’m not sure I want to see him dancing to it though. It’s been co-written by the people behind Absolute Productions, who worked with Edyta Gorniak (Polish Eurovision star), Geri Halliwell, the Spice Girls and Will Young amongst others. Marcus says they seem to have a Simon Fuller pedigree.

Andy had a number two album with his first release but the second one, only seven months later, only made number 19. His one hit single made number 18 in December 2006, so it's hard to judge his current level of popularity, over two years down the line from all of the X Factor hype.


Rob McVeigh – I Owe It All To You

Rob The Builder was my second favourite of the Joseph contenders, after Daniel Boys. I have to admit to fancying him quite a lot for his cheeky chappy down-to-earthiness, so if this song is half decent, I could easily be swayed. However, since Scott Mills played about three seconds of the intro yesterday before saying no and moving on, I have no idea what it’s like until Friday. There was some speculation before the contest that the Good Lord would be writing a song for this selection, but this is not it, despite Rob and Simona being the obvious likely candidates for a Lloyd-Webber song. However, the writers are interesting and I can reveal a tenuous previous Eurovision link that one of them has. Marcus says that Paul Barry, one of the co-writers, had a hand in Cher’s ‘Believe’ and Enrique’s ‘Hero’ and has written hits for Bananarama and Lara Fabian. Mark Read, the other co-writer, was in boyband a1. (His former bandmate Christian Ingebrigtsen also had a song in a Eurovision national final this year, with the anthemic ‘Eastern Wind’ in his native Norway earlier this month.) Now the funny thing is, I was lucky enough to ‘hang out’ backstage at G-A-Y with a1 back in 2002. They were performing there the same night as Jessica Garlick (the reason I was there) for the club’s pre-Eurovision night and we were all backstage together. (I did post some backstage photos here, but they have disappeared.) Perhaps that night sowed the seed in Mark’s mind to write a song for Eurovision. Perhaps not. Who knows?

This seems to be the only ballad in the contest, which may increase its chances against the uptempo songs, as happened for Cyndi last year.


Simona Armstrong - Changes

Being Romanian is possibly what stopped Simona from getting further than she did in How Do You Solve A Problem Like Maria? From what I remember, her singing was superb, but she couldn’t shake off the accent and it sowed the seeds of doubt in the audience and panel as to weather she could pull off such a quintessentially English role.

Marcus says that ‘Changes’ co-written by Mari Loretzen (from Norway) and Eleanor Wilson, who are in a duo called Topaz. Another co-writer, Simon Ellis, is another Simon Fuller associate and wrote ‘Don't Stop Movin’’ for S Club 7.

So that’s Romania and Norway for points if we pick this? We might not have to rely on the Schlagerboys to schmooze Malta again.


The Revelations - It's You

They look fabulous, they sound brilliant and one of them is SWEDISH! What more could we want? They're on Alan McGee’s label and the song is written by a guy from another one of his prospects, Captain Soul. My expectations of this song are high and someone who has heard all the songs tells me it is immediately catchy, which is what it’s all about really. And one of them is SWEDISH! Did I mention that?

They seem like a proper group, with live experience (and good taste in clubs). Everything is pointing towards me being very happy if this lot win, but they are the only act with no previous TV exposure. However, see Cyndi last year. It doesn't always matter.


LoveShy - Mr Gorgeous

‘EA’, also known as Emma and Aimee, are the last two remaining members of CLEA, bidding to become the second and third people from the last ten girls in Pop Stars – The Rivals to represent us at Eurovision. Javine (Eurovision 2005) was also one of the five who didn’t get into Girls Aloud, but she was the one who didn’t get into CLEA, possibly because they couldn’t think of a good acronym which used a ‘J’. (JACLE? J-LACE? Not good.)

‘Mr. Gorgeous’ is the only song currently available to hear, as there’s one minute and seven seconds of it on their MySpace page. I think I like it. It’s very reminiscent of Jamelia’s ‘Beware Of The Dog’ which used a Depeche Mode sample, and in Eurovision terms it’s not a million miles from Serebro’s third placed ‘Song #1’ from Russia last year. All of this bodes well.

LoveShy currently have 1,197 MySpace friends, with, they say, a thousand added this week.

Oscar Gorres, who co-wrote this also has what Marcus describes as “a sacrificial song in the Dustin the Turkey pre-selection” in Ireland this Saturday. He is keyboardist with Stockholm based group, Venus. Another co-writer, Teresia Bjarneby, seems to be in a rock band herself although she may be the main focus of the band.


For what it’s worth – and without hearing the songs properly – here’s a wildly uneducated guess as to how it will go on the 1st of March:

Panel votes:
Michelle beats Andy
Rob beats Simona
LoveShy beat The Revelations

The Revelations are put back in as the wildcard.
Andy and Simona go to the bar.

Televote:
LoveShy and Rob make the final, The Revelations and Michelle are third and fourth and out.

Superfinal!
LoveShy beat Rob. LoveShy to Beograd!

I reserve the right to have a better guess when the songs are revealed on Friday. It will also make a huge difference who the other panellists are, to join Wogan, but we don't know that yet either.

Links:
Pop Unlimited: A great critique of the acts, with related videos.
Popjustice: Take Your Pick From A Selection Of Losers.

Labels: BBC, Eurovision-Your Decision

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Here's an exclusive photo of LoveShy in early rehearsals for Eurovision - Your Decision. Very early in fact - I took this photo of CLEA (as they were then) at Bristol Mardi Gras in August 2005. They had already lost their C (Chloe) but they ignored the chance to become ALE. An opportunity missed. They performed their cover of 'We Don't Have To Take Our Clothes Off' on this here stage, which then stormed its way to number 35 three months later.

Lynsey has now left as well, so I think she's the one on the right. That leaves Emma and Aimee, but the name 'EA' is already taken by that games company, so they've called themselves LoveShy instead. I have already asked to be their friend on MySpace. Their song is very poppy and a bit electro, with some nice whooshy bits which sounded good when Scott Mills played about 10 seconds of it on Radio 1 yesterday.

Labels: CLEA, Eurovision-Your Decision, LoveShy

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Well, I appear to have spent too much time last night catching up on everyone else's opinions on the UK's Eurovision hopefuls, via various fora and websites and the clips that Scott Mills played on Radio 1. So mine will have to wait until tonight. It's been worth it though; I've made a new Facebook friend via ESC Today and, more importantly, discovered that The Revelations released this a year ago. How the hell did this gem pass me by? It's wonderful! If their potential Eurovision song, 'It's You' is anything like this, they'll sail through.

The Revelations - If I Called You On The Telephone

Labels: Eurovision-Your Decision, The Revelations, YouTube

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The BBC has announced the six lambs who have agreed to submit themselves to ritual slaughter in Belgrade by way of the new Eurovision: Your Decision programme on 1st March. They've managed to do this by including a totally uncalled-for bit of jingoism from Terry Wogan as well;

Let's hope that the British public will make the right decision this year, and give the UK's entry a fighting chance against the Eastern Bloc, in Belgrade in May.

I give up. Seriously. We were never going to get many points anyway, and the new format for Eurovision this year has made that even more certain. (I'll explain this another day.) But wait until this gets reported in the other 42 countries and we'll be finished. Fancy letting him say such a stupid thing. It's just a small step away from saying 'all the other countries are ganging up on us'. They will when this gets out, they certainly will.

World Of Chig's editorial team (music division) is currently going through the BBC press release with a highlighter pen and a blue pencil, so we'll be back later* with a pithy and informative analysis. (It says here.)

In the meantime, the contenders for the three face-offs are:

Andy Abrahams vs. Michelle Gayle
Rob McVeigh vs. Simona Armstrong
LoveShy vs. The Revelations

Links:
BBC Press Release
BBC News story
Eurovision - Your Decision homepage

* When we say later, we might mean tomorrow, as members of the team are feeling a bit poorly.

Labels: BBC, Eurovision 2008, Eurovision-Your Decision

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