Three rugby matches, eight Eurovision finals, and some unfortunate scheduling clashes between the two. In short, I can't watch the France v. England match, because it's on at 20:00 tonight, not in the afternoon. Grrr. Irish people have it much better. They'll be able to watch their rugby boys play at home to Scotland in Dublin, immediately before watching the five singers above battle against that turkey in Limerick.

The Eurovision pre-season reaches its peak tonight, with nine countries having live shows. That's eight national finals, plus the third heat of Sweden's Melodifestivalen.

Tonight's events:

Bulgaria - final of Pecen v Eurovizija
Croatia - final of Dora 2008
Iceland - final of Laugardagslögin
Ireland - Eurosong 2008
FYR Macedonia - SkopjeFest 2008
Poland - Piosenka dla Europy
Romania - final of Selectia Nationala
Ukraine - national final
+ Sweden - third heat of Melodifestivalen

We'll be at Glitterball Mansions, starting off with the Irish final, which anyone can see on the interweb - hurrah! We'll then be juggling between the internet (which we can watch on our friends' big TV) and various satellite channels, to catch as much as possible of the others, with a particular interest in Poland, because they have some good songs for a change.

World of Chig is hoping for victory in Poland for Sandra Oxenryd (left), who is Swedish, and a place in the Swedish final for BWO, fronted by Martin, who is Polish. Wouldn't it be delicious if they ended up representing each other's countries? (We could fill in the 12s on our scoresheets well in advance of May.) Sandra Oxenryd is a Eurovision tart, in the nicest possible way. She has already represented Estonia, in 2006. She's now looking for another country who'll have her if her homeland won't. Tonight she'll be singing my most-played song of the 2008 season so far, Super Heroes. It's as catchy as the pox and I love it.

In advance of the Irish final, all six contestants got together this week to murder pay homage to an Irish Eurovision classic, Johnny Logan's 'What's Another Year?". It's useful, if only because it helps me rule out two of the contestants straight away. Leona Daly (yellow dress) has a voice that gives me the creeps. I can't stand it. Just sing normally, woman! Liam Geddes (white shirt, dark suit) gets the words wrong in both of his sections, despite singing one of the most well-known songs in Eurovision (and Irish) history, which is worth the voters bearing in mind tonight.



Also this week, someone managed to pull the wool (or feathers) over a few people's eyes, by circulating this as Dustin The Turkey's song. It isn't, but it's clever because it takes some of the ideas from Dustin's song, which were publicised before the song itself was revealed, and takes a reasonable guess at how they might be used in the lyric, creating a passable song which may be funnier than the real thing. Make up your own mind:



Just in case there was any doubt, this is the real Dustin song, with the full lyric underneath, so you can sing along. I have a funny feeling that if Dustin wins tonight, Ireland will become the bookies' favourites to win in Serbia. Just like all those Finns who were mortified when Lordi were chosen to represent them, any embarrassed Irish people will feel a lot happier when the turkey lands high up on the scoreboard in Belgrade.



Dustin The Turkey - 'Irlande, Douze Points'

Oh I come, from a nation
What knows how to write a song.
Oh Europe, where oh where did it all go wrong?

COME ON!

Irlande douze points

Drag acts and bad acts and Terry Wogan's wig
Mad acts and sad acts, it was Johnny Logan's gig

Shake your feathers and pop your beak
Shake 'em to the West and to the East
Wave Euro hands and Euro feet
Wiggle in the air to the turkey beat

Irlande douze points
Irlande douze points
Irlande douze points
Do the funky beat

D-O-E double B-L-E, yeah!

Hello Abba, hello Bono, hello Helsinki
Hola Prague, hello sailor, c'est la vie
Auf Wiedersehen, Mamma Mia, and God save the Queen
Bonjour Serbia, good day Austria
You know what I mean!

Shake your feathers and pop your beak
Shake 'em to the West and to the East
Wave Euro hands and Euro feet
Wave 'em in the air to the funky beat

Shake your feathers and pop your beak
Shake 'em to the West and to the East
Wave Euro hands and Euro feet
Wiggle to the edge of the turkey beat

Irlande douze points
Irlande douze points
Irlande douze points
(Raspberry, or fart!)

Irlande douze points
Irlande douze points
Irlande douze points
Do the funky beat
Come on!

Give us another chance, we're sorry for riverdance
Sure Flately he's a Yank
And the Danube flows through France
Block vote, shock vote
Give us your 12 today
You're all invited to Dublin Ireland
And we'll party the Shamrock way

Irlande douze points
(Irlande douze points)
Irlande douze points
(Irlande douze points)
Irlande douze points
(Irlande douze points)
Irlande douze points
(Irlande douze points)
Do the funky beat
Come on!

Irlande douze points
Irlande douze points

Eastern Europe we love you
Do you like Irish stew?
Or goulash as it is to you?

Shake your feathers

Listen Bulgaria we love you
Belarus, Georgia, Montenegro,
Moldovia (sic), Albania, Croatia,
Poland, Russia

Ukraine, Macedonia, Love you Turkey
Hungary, Estonia, Slovakia,
Armenia, Bosnia Herzegova (sic)
And don't forget the Swiss!

Labels: Dustin The Turkey, EuroSong, Eurovision 2008, Ireland, Poland, Sweden

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