In the CBB house! Bl**dy hell!

And also...

Jermaine Jackson: Let's get serious with Michael's brother and one of David Gest's many showbiz friends. (Perhaps Jermaine will spill the beans about Vaginika Semen. He must have met her.)

Danielle Lloyd: Deposed Miss GB and Teddy Sheringham's bit of stuff (WAG).

Jo O'Meara: Probably S Club's best singer and showbiz partner of Chris Fountain in last year's Just The Two Of Us. Lucky cow. One solo single - number 13. Unlucky cow.

Leo Sayer: The third of the five so far to have topped the UK chart! Doesn't really need any more introduction, but will 'Thunder In My Heart Again' or any of his older songs be the first beneficiaries of the new chart rules on Sunday? Intriguing.

(These dips in the sound on C4 are really annoying me. Will the buggers please stop swearing? It's all because the show isn't live; it's being broadcast with a 15 minute delay to avoid any Ofcom rap for the inevitable bad language.)

Shilpa Shetty: Bollywood film star (and a genius bit of casting from C4). Glamour! A voice I could listen to all day long! Faaaaaaabulous!

Carol Malone: Nope, me neither. Evidently this year's Germaine Greer. Will walk within a week.
Donny Tourette: Singer with hot'n'happening poodle punk band, The Towers Of London. They've grazed the Top 75 four times, with three hits making 32, 30 and 32 again. This year's Preston, without the looks but a bit more controversial. So, Tourette's in the house again! Rock and, indeed, roll! (How in heaven's name does he know Leo Sayer?!)

(The punters, not surprisingly, are singing, 'who are ya?' at Mr. Tourette.)

Ian 'H' Watkins: Hurrah! "Everybody loves a bit of cheese", he says. Yes indeed. He's no longer blond, but I feel a lifetime of panto work has been secured in the last two minutes.

Cleo Rocos: Oh, it just gets better and better! Glamour puss, loveable loon and Kenny Everett's fag hag extraordinaire. Has been out of the limelight for far too long. Please push her around in a wheelbarrow over a bumpy pavement while she carries some jellies and wears a corset. Again.

So, Leo and Cleo!

Dirk Benedict: When I heard he was a possibility a couple of weeks ago, I confess I had to google his name. It seemed familiar, but I couldn't place him. However, he's a lot more famous than that, as he was in one genuinely massive TV series (The A-Team) and one bona fide 'cult' programme, namely Battlestar Galactica. Unfortunately, I've never really watched either of them, but I bet he makes a lot of money doing PAs at sci-fi conventions. To some people, this will be big news, and a viewer hoover. Good choice.

That's it, but Davina says the CBB family moves in on Friday and they will adopt one of the celebrities. It's rumoured to be Jade Goody and her Mum. I hope that turns out to be wrong, but she does have a new fitness DVD to promote, so it seems likely.

Labels: celebrity big brother, contestants

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Bless his spangly little cotton socks. Ian 'H' Watkins - the one we never did refer to as 'the straight one' out of Steps - has given an 'exclusive' coming out interview to The Sun, in advance of him entering the Celebrity Big Brother house tonight. While most people on Earth knew that he was gay years ago and that he was going out with the male manager of Steps, apparently this is news to The Sun's readers. Guess what the headline is? 'The Only Gay In The Village'. Geddit? He's a gay and he's Welsh! Brilliant! Since Dafydd in Little Britain, all gays in Wales are now living isolated, lonely, downtrodden existences and all gay venues in Cardiff and Swansea have in fact closed down. Let's face it, gay and Welsh. How could H possibly be happy?

Oh well, now that he has sold his story and made some money while the fickle window of opportunity opens briefly for him again set the record straight (every pun intended), let's hope he provides some entertainment for us in the house. Some songs from musicals at the very least. Meanwhile, we await tonight's CBB with interest, to see if the rumours about Stephen Hawking entering the house were just a bizarre joke or one of the most compelling decisions in TV history.

Labels: celebrity big brother, coming out, contestants, h, ian watkins

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