World of Chig   

The Natasha Bedingfield Hyperbowl award

It is now time for a new music award, chosen democratically by you, the public by Chig.

Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the Natasha Bedingfield Hyperbowl award, to be given each year, on or around Brits night, to mark the most spectacular mangling of the English language from the previous year in the field of popular music.

"But why the Bedingfield?", I hear no one cry.

Because it's doubtful that any native English speaker has ever made such an embarrassing balls-up of pronouncing one word in a pop song as the fragrant Natasha Bedingfield did in her 2004 chart-topper 'These Words'. She managed to sing the word hyperbole [hy-per-buh-lee] as 'hyperbowl' in the line, 'No hyperbole to hide behind'. It's as if she was looking for an enormous bowl, behind which she would conceal her person, if she could find such a huge object. So, Chig has found a suitable bowl. It's not hyper, as far as I'm aware, but it does now have Natasha's face all over it (and it's ovenproof). One pound fifty well spent at Asda, I'm sure you'll agree.

It seems incredible that no one from Natasha Bedingfield's management or record company spotted the mispronunciation before the single made its way to radio and then into the shops. It's also difficult for her to blame anyone else for putting words into her mouth, when the whole point of the song is her claim that, "these words are my own". (Three other people wrote the song with her, but, for all I know, they did the tune.)

Sadly, Natasha is far from the only culprit when it comes to redefining the English language via the medium of popular song. We're all in favour of the development of language. In fact, we're fascinated by it. However, misuse of words, bad grammar and poor pronunciation will now render artists eligible to win this prestigious prize in the future.

So, without further ado, let us award the Bedingfield Hyperbowl for 2008.

[Drum roll, followed by long pause before revealing the winner.]

The winner of the Natasha Bedingfield Hyperbowl award for 2008 is...

Kid Rock, for the line, "the way the moonlight shined upon her hair" in 'All Summer Long'. Congratulations Mr. Rock, in your valiant efforts towards removing the word 'shone' from our vocabulary. Here is your hyperbowl.

Before we say goodnight, we couldn't let this inaugural award ceremony pass with just the one award. There is one act who made redefining the English language their raison d'etre in the 1970s. With a total of seven badly spelt hit titles between 1971 and 1973, including 'Take Me Bak 'Ome', 'Skweeze Me Pleeze Me' and 'Mama Weer All Crazee Now', we are proud to present the Lifetime Achievement Natasha Bedingfield Hyperbowl to.... Slade!

Thank you for your indulgence this evening. Nominations are now open for any worthy winner of the Hyperbowl this time next year. Should you hear anything that you think warrants consideration, whether it's on the radio, TV or internet, please feel free to nominate it. Having watched the Armenian final for Eurovision on Saturday night, Chig is tempted to nominate every song that was sung in English, as they all managed to invent words we had never heard before, but they'll have to go some way to beat this year's early contender from the current top five singles chart. Yes, Mister Tinchy Stryder, we are looking at you and your "sorry I misleaded you" lyric in 'Take Me Back'; a linguistic crime so heinous that Sara Cox was even heard to apologise for playing it on Radio 1. Amazing.


· link