World of Chig   

The Air That I Breathe

Every now and then, the endless fun and frivolity (it says here) on this blog has to make way for something serious. Actually, I can’t remember when that last happened, but it’s happening now.

As some of you know, I am going into hospital today for an operation on my sinuses this afternoon. It's called functional endoscopic sinus surgery. It doesn't bear thinking about, so I'm not going to write the full details, but the picture here is a clue. I have never been so terrified of anything in my life. I’ve been lucky enough to have only been in hospital once, to have my tonsils out when I was four. I still remember it, as I left on my birthday. For 37 years, I’ve never had a general anaesthetic, so I am fearful of that. I’m scared of the operation itself, which involves drilling and cutting the bones of my skull. I’m terrified of being conscious during the operation and of being in pain afterwards. I’m terrified of the possible side effects if things go wrong, which can include blindness, which has always been my worst fear. I’ve even made a proper, legal will this week, for the first time ever, and had conversations with friends recently that, in some ways, I would rather not have had, but which in other ways have been quite good to have.

Since October 2006, I have been suffering from sinusitis and been unable to breathe properly through my nose. Along with the thyroxine deficiency which was diagnosed at the same time, it has meant I have been constantly short of breath and short of energy. I am so grateful to my friends who have offered me amazing support and made allowances for me over this time. Thanks to everyone who has read or commented on all of the nonsense on here as well. It’s always a welcome distraction, even though the time I’ve spent in front of my PC screen has had to be cut down massively as it gives me awful sinus headaches.

Hopefully, I’ll be back home tomorrow, and then in isolation for two weeks, away from human contact, to avoid any exposure to colds or ‘flu. I love you all. Thank you for your support.

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