World of Chig   


Who goes – and comes straight back again? You decide!

Name: Charley

Occupation: Unemployed – and unemployable

Career aspirations: Hooker for footballers, Vicky Pollard impersonator.

Hobbies: Causing fights in empty rooms, self delusion, pretending to be Nicky from BB7 in the diary room.

Likes: Herself, mirrors, arguments, money, having the last word, not being bovvered.

Dislikes: Other people, listening, team activities, being challenged.

Talents: Amazing foresight – but only in retrospect. She knew I was going to say that.

Truisms: “I’m not being funny, but…”
No, you’re fucking not. We’re laughing at you, not with you, you heinous bitch.

Why she should go out and come back in again:
She shouldn’t – we know what she thinks and so do the other housemates. There are no secrets that she can tell Davina.

What she’ll say if she’s evicted: “I said it would be fucking me. I knew it.”

What she’ll say if she comes back again: “I told you this was going to happen. Fucking bring it on.”

Name: Nicky

Occupation: Moaner.

Career aspirations: Professional lemon sucker.

Hobbies: Whinging, conspiracy theories, changing her mind, talking about nominations, being envious.

Likes: Moaning, men (but won’t admit it).

Dislikes: Everything about being in Big Brother.

Talents: Complaining, hiding the personality that she showed in the first few days.

Truisms: “I don’t think Liam likes me.” Perhaps if you smiled occasionally and stopped hanging around with your poisonous shadow?

Why she should go out and come back in again:
It’ll be far more entertaining for the housemates to see what she says in the diary room that she doesn’t say to their faces. She’ll also be shocked that six of the other ten nominated her. On the downside, she may well be so miserable afterwards that she’ll refuse to go back in. Who would blame her? I wonder if there’s a contingency plan?

What she’ll say if she’s evicted: “I was going to go anyway. I’m not enjoying myself.”

What she’ll say if she comes back again: “Can’t I go into the secret house next door? I don’t think I can do this. They all hate me and I hate them all as well.”

What Channel 4 will be saying next week:

“We deeply regret the death of one of the housemates. We had no idea that putting the mentally unstable, aggressive, psychotic flatmate Charley back into the house would lead to resentment from the other housemates and uncontainable violence. We are, however, very pleased with the ratings for the show where the housemates all took turns at stabbing her.”


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