World of Chig   

UK50: Vote on Group Oleksandr!

We’re onto the third group of songs in our quest to find your favourites amongst the UK’s 50 Eurovision entries. Thank you to Tina from Nottingham, who was the first person into the comments box yesterday to choose today’s medley at random. Tina chose the letter ‘O’, which means it’s time to introduce Ukraine’s first ever entrant in Eurovision. Laskabo prosimo, Oleksandr Ponomaryov!

“Dobry den! Thank you, thank you. Songs in Group Oleksandr all United Kingdom acts whose careers end with Eurovision, yes? I understand in your country you choose end people’s careers by send them to Eurovision. It not like that in Ukraiyina, yes? I still famous in Ukraiyina. Ruslana she still very famous. Very sexy, yes?

None these three ever have another chart hit in UK after contest. For this reason, we call it Hasta La Vista group! Do you get it, yes? This was how named my song. But Mister Chig refuse provide contortionist for you look while listen these three songs. He say you must “make own entertainment”.

First come Live Report. It sound more like death report to me. I make joke, yes? Then come Rikki. He not related to Vikki. She come later. But he sound like your Cliff Richard, yes? Third come Ryder. I so bored after these three, I think no more funny to say. Goodbye.”

Thank you Oleksandr. He’s right, you know. The UK said ‘Hasta La Vista’ to all three of these acts after Eurovision, but Oleksandr is being kind. They hardly charted at all. Just one week at #73 for Live Report and not a whiff of chart action for the other two. About 99% of the UK population would struggle to remember any of these three songs. The UK’s Eurovision entries went through a sticky period in the late ‘80s, where they barely registered in the public consciousness. This is because many of them, as you’re about to hear and see, were absolute rubbish. When the French withdrew in 1982, declaring that Eurovision was, “a monument to drivel – a mediocrity”, little did they know that la Royaume Uni would carry on regardless, building the monument higher and higher in the immediate years to come.

Rikki’s 13th place in 1987 was the UK’s worst ever result at that time, surpassing the low point of 11th, which Coco had achieved nine years earlier. Oh, how we’d kill for 13th now. Ricki held onto this dishonourable record until 2000, when poor Nicki French totally eclipsed him by finishing 16th; a result which looks positively triumphant in retrospect. A sobering fact: the UK’s six lowest placings have all occurred in the last seven years. Ricki sits immediately above them. Only Jessica Garlick, third in 2002, has avoided embarrassment in recent years.

There’s not a saving grace between these three 1980s songs, in Chig’s humble opinion. The astonishing thing is that Live Report managed to come second in Eurovision itself, but 1989 was a bad year, with a poor winner; one that non-fans have a great deal of trouble remembering. (Can you sing ‘Rock Me’ by Riva from Yugoslavia? It’s no wonder the country fell apart a few years later. It was probably the shame of winning with such rubbish.)

However, we have a job to do. Brace yourselves. One of these piles of poo will go through to our last sixteen. Which one do you hate the least? Here are the 'runners' and 'Ryders':

UK 1989 – Why Do I Always Get It Wrong? – Live Report (2nd of 22 songs)
UK 1987 – Only The Light – Rikki (13th of 22 songs)
UK 1986 – Runner In The Night – Ryder (7th of 20 songs)

Download Chig's medley of all three songs here. (I’ve made it reasonably short.)

You can also watch the videos below, then vote in the comments box as follows;

12 points: your ‘favourite’
6 points: your second favourite
0 (nul points): your least favourite

Thank you for your tolerance. It can only get better after this. Can’t it?

UK 1989 – Why Do I Always Get It Wrong? – Live Report:

UK 1987 – Only The Light – Rikki:

UK 1986 – Runner In The Night – Ryder:

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