21.04: Indeed there are! How wonderful. World Of Chig's colours too. Thank you, Davina. We're loving the new Big Brother house already!
Oh, how it's going to ruin my life for the next three months, now that E4 is on Freeview from today...

So, let's meet the new unlucky thirteen...

1) Derek
40, Tory, political speech-writer. Black. Master of fox hounds. Gay.

This year's: Chris Eubank

BLOODY HELL! What a start. I'm hating/loving him already. LOL.

2) Lesley
19, temp administrator, from Huddersfield.
Dead common. Smoker. Big tits.
“I don’t get on with girls very well.”
Has her own website.
Currently wearing a rubber nurse’s outfit.
Obsessed with lingerie.
Ugly people make her sad.

This year’s: Emma Greenwood.

3) Sam
Cheam, Surrey.
23. Marketing graduate from Oxford John Brookes Uni.
Loves Christina Aguilera.
Is treated like a celebrity when she goes out. (Aren't we all dear, aren't we all?)
Bit of a feminist but also a bit of “an equalitarian”.
Sex mad.
Taking her vibrator into the house?

This year's: Kate Lawler?

4) Maxwell Trotter Ward
24 maintenance engineer.
Bit of a geezer.
"I'm loud, rude, obnoxious."
"Vegetarians make me laugh, especially ones who eat fish" (As a real vegetarian, I’m with him on that one!)
Lives with his Dad.
Gooner. (Will love the Villa colours then. Not.)

This year's: Paul Clarke (ie. totty for thick people)

5) Vanessa
19, Croydon.
Business studies student at a London Uni.
Gossiper, bitch, two-faced, loud, shallow.
“If you’re good looking and you’ve got a big cock and a nice body, that’s all you need.” (Absolutely, darling!)
Has a Barbie duvet cover at home.
Convinced she can turn any gay man straight.

This year's: Narinder.

6) Anthony



PHWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAR!

Sorry, where was I?

23. Seventies dancer - Chico from Puerto Rico.
Consett, County Durham.
Also trainee hairdresser.
“I’m a good-lookin’ lad.” (Indeed, you are, you horny little devil.)
Lives with his Mum, grandparents and uncle.
“I think loads of birds’ll fancy us.” (I think you've forgotten half of your potential fans.)
Gym five times a week and two sunbeds per week.
"I’m dark and handsome, but I don’t tick the box for tall."
Milking the crowd too much – they’re booing now.

This year’s: Alex Sibley

7) Roberto
32 Teacher, Liverpool.
Italian.
“I am full of myself … but the look is a gift.”
Ex-Para, ex-teacher.
Thinks national service should be reintroduced into Britain.
Drives a white van.
Loves cooking and ‘Ready Steady Cook’.

This year’s: Federico or Stuart.

8) Makosi
24? Cardiac nurse
Zimbabwean, Christian. (Bible confiscated due to BB’s book ban.)
"I love the camera – I’m sure the camera will love me."
"Shallow people offend me."
"When I grew up, I had a chauffeur, a gardener and a maid."
Has taken 12 pairs of shoes into the house.
A monster in the mornings.
Wearing a vibrant orange dress.

This year’s: Heather Small. (Okay,we’re extending our comparisons now.)

9) Craig
20. Hairstylist, with own salon at 19.
“One fucking spoil little brat.”
“I do tend to look down on people.”
Has never read a book.
Obnoxious.
Looks better now, with dark hair, than he did at the auditions.

This year’s: first evictee, hopefully.

10) Mary
30. Psychic and writer.
From the lost city of Atlantis.
Alien abductee. About 7 times.
Ex-mermaid.
Believes that mobile phones are government tracking devices.
Mad as a box of frogs.
Currently dressed as a witch, with a broomstick. Being booed.
Seems unable to push doors open.

This year’s: Nichola Holt.

My favourite so far. Apart from Anthony Phwoar!

11) Science (Kieran)
(His page doesn't exist! They've shown Roberto twice instead. Doh!)
(Official website repaired at 23.40. About time too!)
22. Entertainment entrepreneur.
Musician too,
VERY big hair at auditions.
“Ghetto spokesman.”
Made an award-winning documentary, ‘Searching For The Truth’.

This year's: Victor.

12) Saskia
23. Promotions girl.
“A normal girl with a normal job.”
“Love my football, love my booze.”
One quarter Sri Lankan?
Born with a hole in her heart.
Her dream is to be a footballer’s wife. (I think we can all relate to that. No?)
Spent £1,000 on clothes for this.

This year's: I've forgotten her name, but the tall brunette who claimed she used to go to lots of celebrity parties and was a bit thick.

13) Kemal
19. Student, bellydancer.
Works for the passport office in the evenings.
A “contemporary Muslim”
Loves Eurovision. Hurrah!
Turkish, lives Liverpool.
Wearing stilettos and full red and gold sari!
Dad is Elvis impersonator.

This year’s: Marco, but possibly even more camp.

Makosi is the first unlucky one. By coming to the diary room first, she is automatically up for eviction, except that the housemate who receives the MOST nominations will be immune from eviction. Her secret mission is to GET the most nominations and win that immunity. Methinks she may be a bit too thick to realise she has to annoy them all to do this, but she may just do that anyway. Excellent, risky strategy!

Result: I'm hooked already!


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