|World of Chig|
The World Of Chig #1 Number One Single
It's time to play a game. Our winning, #1 number one is definitely one of the fifteen listed below. Fourteen songs are about to leave....with nothing! So, as I seem to be getting my TV quizzes muddled up, let's play....The Weakest 15-To-#1!
[Chig dons ginger wig and black leather trenchcoat. Hmmmm, strangely comfortable...]
Michael, was is it you do again? You 'father children around the world'? It looks as if it's wearing you out, so go and have a lie down - ON YOUR OWN!
Two of you here look so similar, I'm quite glad you're going. Are you going to take Jude with you?
Hey Jude – The Beatles  #1 for 2 weeks from 11 Sep 68
Band Of Gold – Freda Payne  #1 for 6 weeks from 19 Sep 70
Well now, little miss defiant, you seem to think you have a right to be here and that many of the people voting are screaming homosexuals. You may have a point, but let me tell you, all the campery and glitter in the world couldn't have got you into our top fifty. Go on now, go! Walk out the door! Don't turn around now - you're not welcome any more!
You've been driving in your car, have you, Mr Webb? Well I'm sorry, but no one's driving you home tonight, and not to the top of our chart either. Goodbye!
Back to Hollywood, or back to oblivion, I don't really care, just go!
Yorgos, or whatever your name is, if you'd paid a little more attention, instead of offering to show your Greek sausage to that man next to you, you might still be here. Back to the LA parks for you!
Mrs Ritchie, you've had your four minutes of fun with 'Like A Prayer' in our chart already. You weren't arrogant enough to assume we'd have you back, were you? You were? Well you've been 'swept away' like your appalling little film. Goodbye!
You're not really brothers, are you? And there's only room for one self-righteous person around here, so goodbye, and take those two guys dressed as squaddies with you too. They won't stop singing your bloody song.
Listen, you craggy Canadian crooner. You may have managed to get another of your songs to the top last week with that frankly dodgy-looking DJ Sammy character, but do you really think anyone has forgiven you for sixteen long weeks of torment with this sentimental old tosh? No they haven't! Rack off back to the Rocky Mountains!
Are you still here Mrs Brown? You turned sideways and I thought you'd disappeared. Take that wailing gob away and get some food down it, now!
Tough luck Marti. The old ones are getting rid of all the youngsters. It's back to Chicago for a couple more days for you. So long!
Yet more sentimental old slime for us to clear out. Reginald, you used to be very famous as one of the most successful artists never to have had a solo #1 single, until that Sacrifice and Healing Hands double header. Well look who's being sacrificed now! Back home to more dinners with the Beckhams for you. Farewell!
So, thought you'd beaten the Spice Girls, did you ladies? Well, I'm sorry, you haven't. It takes more than a bit of atmosphere and William Orbit twiddling his knobs to top our chart. Get the first boat out of here!